


Skywalkin'

by PanicFOB



Series: Skywalkin' [1]
Category: Real Person Fiction
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-18
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-10-20 22:24:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 35,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20682911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PanicFOB/pseuds/PanicFOB
Summary: You meet Sebastian Stan in an unexpected place on one of your most dreadful days. The two of you keep appearing in each other’s lives until you finally decide to take a step toward something more than acquaintances.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at real person fiction, so please be kind in the comments :)

The cool September air blew the first fallen leaves across the streets of New York City. The breeze was just crisp enough to require a knit cardigan, and the sun gently peeked out from the perfectly fluffy, white clouds. The smell of pumpkin wafted from every coffee shop and bakery in the city, and the usually grumpy people walking to work seemed to wear brighter smiles today.

This only seemed to isolate you further in your wretched mood. Normally, you greeted the strangers you passed on the street, you tried the new pumpkin-flavored concoctions at your favorite shops, you popped into the flower shop to greet the lovely old lady that owned it, and you walked to the subway entrance with a pep in your step. Today was not one of those days, however.

Of course, the one time you were having a horrible morning, everyone else in NYC seemed to be living their best lives. You scowled at the suited up Wall Street guy walking past you, laughing into his cellphone joyfully. You didn’t even bother to stop and ask to pet the various different dogs that you passed on the sidewalk. This was the foulest mood you had been in in a very long time, and it all started at eleven o’clock last night.

As you were applying your nightly skincare routine, your mother had phoned you, and you made the lethal mistake of picking up. She lived on the west coast, in a small town near San Diego, so it was a few hours earlier there.

“Hello, darling,” she said in her chipper tone.

“Hi, mom. What’s up?” you replied while flossing your teeth.

“Dad and I were just talking, and we were thinking that since Tyler is all settled in to the new house, we should have Christmas at his place in Chicago this year.”

You narrowed your eyes at the phone. Of course, she’d be coming at you with this bullshit this late on a Sunday night. “But we had Christmas in Chicago last year. I thought it was my turn to host.”

“Well, that was at Tyler’s old apartment. His new home is so beautiful that I just don’t want to waste the opportunity to have lovely holiday photos there.”

“And we can do that next year when it’s his turn to host again.”

“Darling, Tyler is married and settled. You’re still single, and it’s a lot easier for you to get away from work and travel.”

“Me being single has nothing to do with traveling for the holidays. Where’s this coming from? Did Tyler say he wants it to be in Chicago too?”

“Well, I haven’t actually discussed it with him yet…”

“Oh, so this is just another opportunity to remind me how irrelevant my wants and needs are because I’m not married yet?”

She scoffed into the line. “Don’t be so overdramatic. This is how it always is with you, Y/N. I come to you with a simple request to have Christmas at your brother’s instead this year, and you blow things way out of proportion, as usual.”

You nearly broke the tweezers you were holding in your hand as you plucked at your eyebrows. “Mom, it’s late, and I have work early in the morning. I’m not doing this with you right now.”

“I bet if Tyler had suggested it, you wouldn’t have raised a single complaint,” she snarled.

“Tyler wouldn’t have suggested it,” you replied coolly before hanging up.

That grating phone call hadn’t been the only unfortunate thing to occur in your life in the last twenty-four hours. You awoke to find that your cellphone was only on forty percent battery, despite it having been plugged into the charger all night. When you climbed out of bed, you realized it was because the power was off in your apartment. You checked your email to find that there was apparently a shortage for the entire block, and the estimated repair time wasn’t for another six hours.

You typically used a flat iron to calm your frizzy hair in the mornings, and then you would normally wrap it up into a sleek bun. That option was off the table today. Instead, the bun that you managed to get it into looked a hot mess. You had to apply makeup by the minimal light that was coming in from your west-facing windows. Everything in your apartment ran on electric, so cooking breakfast wasn’t possible. You settled for a bowl of your favorite cereal.

Your dog, a mixed-breed rescue, sat at your feet as you ate, and you reached down to softly stroke his head. He was a combination of a lot of different things: some sort of Terrier, Miniature Pinscher, Chihuahua, and maybe even some Dachshund. His fur was a mixture of many colors, but grey was the most prominent, so you called him Grey Wind after your favorite Game of Thrones character’s pet direwolf. 

You finished your unsatisfying breakfast, walked and fed Grey Wind, grabbed your purse, and headed out the door.

And so you began your dreary march to the subway station, the dark cloud hanging over your head clear to every soul who had the misfortune to encounter you today.

You quickly found the usual subway route that got you to work in the most efficient timeframe. True to the luck you were having, the car was overfull, so every seat was taken. You stood awkwardly, not daring to grab onto the germ-infested handholds. You couldn’t play on your cell because the battery was too low, so you let your mind drift off as you stared out the dark windows. You thought about what you might say to Tyler when you called him after work. He was sure to take your side, but it seemed your mother would be prone to merely dig her heels in further and insist you were being selfish for not wanting to fly to Chicago for Christmas.

You hadn’t really been paying attention to any of the people around you until you were startled by the flash of a phone camera. You jerked your head up to see a man sitting on the opposite side of the car snapping pictures, and it appeared that his phone was pointed right at you.

You felt all the rage at your mother and the stupid electric company boil over.

“Can you fucking not?” you verbally accosted the man.

He looked at you, stunned. “What the hell is your problem, lady?”

“My problem is that it’s fucking rude to randomly start taking photos of strangers without their permission. So stop, you prick.”

He was still holding the phone up, unfazed by you calling him out. You gave him a seething look.

“I wasn’t even taking pictures of you, anyway. You’re fucking ugly, so why would I?”

You didn’t care who he had been creepily photographing, it was still incredibly rude, and today was just one of those days where you wouldn’t stand for it.

You took a step toward him. “Listen, mother fucker. I will rip that phone out of your hand and crush it with my heel if you don’t put it the fuck away.”

“Jesus! You’re a goddamn lunatic.” He rose from his seat and stomped to the other end of the subway car.

You had a second to calm yourself before a voice from behind you said, “Wow… umm thanks for that.”

You supposed it must have been the person that the man had actually been taking photos of. You turned around and your heartbeat sped up furiously because Sebastian Stan was looking at you with that cute little smile where the corners of his mouth were just slightly curved. He wore a grey ascot cap that you were pretty sure you had seen in multiple internet photos of him. He was dressed casually in jeans and a leather jacket. You tried to steel yourself, gathering the confidence you needed in order to converse with an incredibly attractive celebrity when you had just made a scene and your hair and makeup looked terrible.

You nervously tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “No need to thank me. Like I said, it was rude, and he shouldn’t have been doing it.”

“Yeah, I guess I’ve just gotten used to ignoring it, trying to pretend it doesn’t bother me when strangers do rude things like that.” He stuck out his right hand in your direction. “I’m Sebastian, by the way.”

You shook his hand and hoped that he couldn’t tell how clammy you had suddenly become. “Y/N,” you told him a bit breathlessly.

“Do you typically combat all rude public behaviors with such ferocity, Y/N?”

“Only when I’m in a shit mood,” you confessed.

He chuckled at your slight attempt at a joke. “I’m sorry you’re in a shit mood. If it makes you feel any better, my week hasn’t been so great either.”

Your star-struck brain managed to playfully smirk and say, “That does make me feel better, thanks. Misery loves company.”

“That it does,” he agreed with a smile, and you couldn’t help but notice the stunning way in which it crinkled his steel-blue eyes. You had, of course, seen this sort of smile from him before, but you never could have imagined witnessing it in person, much less being the one to cause it.

“For the record, you shouldn’t have to accept rude behavior from strangers, no matter how famous you are,” you informed him.

His eyes flashed with slight surprise. “So you do recognize me.”

“Guilty,” you admitted. “But I honestly thought that man was just being a creep and taking photos of random women until you said thank you.”

“Good to know that you weren’t just trying to impress me, then.”

“I mean, I do impress all my suitors by shouting profanities at strangers on subways, so…”

He let out a full laugh this time, his eyes squeezing shut in delight.

The subway car came to an abrupt halt, and you looked up to see that it was your stop. You glanced at your watch to check the time, and it told you that you were a minute away from running late.

“I’ve gotta get to work,” you told him. “It was so nice to meet you, Sebastian.”

He looked like he wanted to ask you something, but just as quickly as the questioning furrow had appeared in his brows, the look had disappeared. “Um, thank you again, Y/N,” he eventually said as he studied you intently.

“No problem!” you assured him before turning and hurrying out the door to work. Your heart still beating faster than it ever had in your life.


	2. Chapter 2

A pristinely polished hotel room at The Savoy in London looked out over the River Thames, the view stretching out all the way to the London Eye. Satin curtains framed the large windows, letting in the cloudy morning light. A golden chandelier hung from the ceiling, just over the enormous bed. A cushioned bench was positioned at the foot of the bed, a dirty suit jacket and tie draped over it. On the nightstand, strewn around the intricate table lamp, were various personal items such as peppermint lip balm, a set of keys, a wallet, and a cellphone that was now blaring an obnoxious alarm.

Under the fluffy duvet on the bed, Sebastian stirred and groaned loudly. Without opening his eyes to the unforgiving light of day, he reached over blindly and searched for his phone. As soon as it was in his hand, he shut the dreadful alarm off, fell back into his pillow, and gave an exhausted sigh at the ceiling. Once he managed to pry his bleary eyes open, he clicked on the Instragram app.

This site was something Sebastian simultaneously enjoyed and loathed. He supposed it was like most places on the internet: an even mixture of pleasant and encouraging fans and hateful little trolls. He’d been making a conscious effort to reduce his time spent on Insta posting selfies and scrolling through the mixed comments. It had just gotten so detrimental to his mental health in the past year, and he really had to take a step back.

Since two weeks ago, though, he seemed to find himself on the site more than ever. He still didn’t post much, but he was always searching, searching for the girl on the subway. He’d been an idiot not to ask for her number or even her last name. He had almost done it as she was leaving, but there were so many other people around, and it just didn’t seem like a good look for him, a public figure, to be collecting numbers from women he had only met ten minutes prior.

She’d been so funny, though. And bold. A bit vulgar, but he had no problem with that. And pretty. And flirty. He was certain she’d been flirting with him.

The only thing he had to go off in his internet searches was her first name and New York City. To make matters worse, he wasn’t even sure if he was spelling her first name correctly. He browsed through endless profile pictures of accounts that had some variation of that name and lived in NYC.

He wished he’d thought to ask her anything else about herself. It would have seemed perfectly casual to inquire about her place of work considering that’s where she was rushing off to. Of course, he remembered the station she’d gotten off at, but that only told him so much. NYC was so compact that there were hundreds of places of employment on every block. 

He begrudgingly rolled out of bed and shuffled over to his suitcase to pull on some gym clothes. A carb-free breakfast was already waiting for him in the lounge area of the suite, and he munched on the bland omelet grumpily. He hated this heavily-restrictive diet and intense workout routine. The second filming was done for 355, he was scarfing down some pasta.

He gulped down his protein shake, slipped his feet into some sneakers, and left for the hotel gym. After London, he would be heading straight to Atlanta, Georgia to work on the Disney Plus TV series with Anthony. His diet didn’t have to be so strict for him to reprise his role as Bucky, but he did have to work on beefing up his muscles a bit. He had to remember not to overshoot it this time, though. He still got comments from fans about thick Bucky in Civil War.

He hated working out in hotel gyms, but he certainly wasn’t going to brave the public and try to work out anywhere else. Back in New York, he had his regular gym where he worked out every day with Tony and his friends; it was a much more enjoyable and fulfilling experience than running the treadmill alone here at The Savoy.

Sebastian didn’t have a very long day of filming, only five hours, and then he was free to roam the city. He immediately called Paul, who was also in town, and they plotted their game plan for the night. He returned to his hotel room for a quick nap and meal before the sunset, and then Paul was there, knocking on the door to his suite and telling him to get his ass up.

They decided to walk from the hotel, stopping at random bars and clubs as they wished. They had no real plans for their evening in London, but the two of them together seemed to have a knack for creating the time of their lives out of any ordinary night.

After a few shots to liven themselves, they strolled down a quieter street, and a disco pedal cab went by. Sebastian was suddenly spurred along by inspiration.

“Hey, wait!” he shouted as he ran after the taxi. “We want a ride!”

He heard Paul cackling behind him as his tipsy ass chased down the pedal cab and demanded it let them aboard.

They climbed on, and the disco music blared in Sebastian’s ears. He loved most of the music from the 70s, so things seemed to brighten his buzz. He and Paul both pulled their phones out at the same time, but Paul started filming first.

“And then this happened,” his friend said.

Sebastian was grinning like a drunken fool. “It was another Saturday night in Soho,” he shouted into Paul’s phone. “We were just trying to… we were just trying to stay alive!” They both howled with laughter after he ending the recording.

Paul posted it to his Instagram just before they stopped into another bar. They both ordered beers, and his friend kept checking Insta as all the notifications were flooding in.

“Maybe not the best choice of caption,” he admitted.

“What’d you write?” Sebastian wondered, for he had not even bothered to look.

“We need to get girlfriends at some point,” Paul informed him before taking a large swig from his bottle.

Sebastian cringed. “Great. Now you’ve done it.”

“Hey, on the plus side. You’ve already gotten thousands of offers in the past ten minutes,” he joked.

Sebastian dropped his face into his palms, groaning miserably. “Yeah, that’s exactly what I want: strangers on the internet offering to be my girlfriend.”

“You don’t seem to be finding one any other way,” Paul informed him.

He glared at the man. “You’re one to talk. And who says I’m even looking?”

“Sebastian, I’m your best friend. Obviously, I know you’re looking for a woman. You can’t hide your lonely romantic side from me, especially not when you’re drunk.”

“I’m just exhausted, Paul. I don’t want to have to look, I just want to find her. I’m working all the time, doing projects I love, but they’re still wearing me down. I just want to come across someone that finds it easy to be with me and my complicated life,” he bemoaned.

Paul clapped his hand on his shoulder in a comforting gesture. “Just gotta be patient, right?”

“I’m thirty-seven. I feel like I’ve been patient long enough. Maybe I work too much. Maybe a woman ‘ll love me if I stay in one place for a while.”

“There’s nothing wrong with taking a break, Seb, but you shouldn’t give up what you love just to make yourself more available to possible girlfriends.”

Sebastian was drunk, but not so much so that he couldn’t understand exactly what Paul meant. For the thousandth time in the past two weeks, his brain flashed backed to Y/N, the woman on the subway, and he wondered if she was the type of woman that could put up with an actor boyfriend. He wondered if he ever found her again, if it would even be worth it to shoot his shot, or if she would grow tired of his work-oriented tendencies just like all the rest of them.

When he stumbled into his room, that night, he pulled up Insta once more, thinking a sudden stroke of luck might hit him and the woman’s face might appear in his searches. Instead, the moment he opened his app, he found that he had been tagged in some video.

As soon as he played the clip, his heart raced. It seemed that the rude man on the subway that day had begun filming when Y/N started shouting at him. The footage was being shared all over the internet, and everyone was speculating who Seb’s female friend was that had defended him so vehemently. Apparently, the video made it appear as if the two of them had been on the subway together.

Sebastian checked to see if anyone had been tagged and identified as the woman on the train, but it didn’t appear so. On one hand, he was glad that Y/N’s information hadn’t suddenly been thrust into the public, but on the other hand, he had slightly hoped that this might have meant he could finally talk to her again.

He fell asleep with thoughts of the beautiful and tenacious woman on his mind.


	3. Chapter 3

A young girl was tugging at her mother’s sleeve, asking her to grab an interesting looking book from the top shelf. Many groups of college students huddled around tables with their shoulders slumped, swimming in studies for midterms. In one of the side halls, a best-seller was doing a reading, and a polite crowd listened with admiration. In the main entrance, heels clacked against the marble floors.

You were just arriving for work at the New York Public Library, and today, just like every day for the past three weeks, had you in a constant state of crisis and paranoia. That jackass on the subway had been filming you, and now your spewing of curse words at him was plastered spectacularly across the internet. It had surfaced three weeks ago. Thankfully, you’d been at home when you saw it because it had instantly triggered a panic attack.

Nobody had tagged you in it, and your social media accounts remained quite private, so you hoped that it would be forgotten without anyone being able to identify you as the shouting woman with Sebastian Stan. You felt mortified when you thought about him seeing this. He had obviously been tagged in it, so you knew he must have watched it the day it appeared. You were sure he must hate you now for creating a scene out of something that could have been an otherwise forgetful moment.

To make matters worse, all of his fans were speculating that you were Sebastian’s girlfriend, despite the video not showing any of the flirty conversation the two of you had had after the rude man left you alone.

You had called Tyler ten minutes after watching the video. He was just as involved on social media as you were and had already spotted it. He assured you that nobody else in the family, including your judgmental parents knew about it yet. You cried to him for hours, telling him about the hateful phone conversation with your mother that had caused you to lash out at the stranger in the first place.

“It’s only a matter of time before someone recognizes me,” you said through sobs.

“Do any of your bosses or coworkers follow you on Instagram?”

“No, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t on the site at all.”

“Okay, well you didn’t do anything wrong Y/N. Yes, you looked a little hot-headed, but it was clear from the video that you were only angered by the man’s rude behavior. It’s not like you were filmed breaking a law or something.”

“I know, but it still makes me look like one of those ‘public freak out’ people that just go around picking fights with anyone and everyone.”

“So, it might be embarrassing if your coworkers see it, but I doubt it’s something you would lose your job over.”

“I hope you’re right, Tyler. God, this is the last thing I needed right now.”

“So this probably wouldn’t be a good time to bring up the ‘mom wants to ruin Christmas’ situation?”

Three weeks. Every day for three weeks, you checked Instagram the second you woke up to make sure that nobody had tagged you in that video just yet. For three weeks, you suffered through work, keeping your head down and looking out for any coworkers that might be eyeing you in a new light. You felt like you had fallen from a hundred story building and were now hovering a foot from the ground. Any moment now, gravity would kick back in and you would splat against the pavement.

You made it up to the administrative office five minutes early. Your desk was just as organized as you’d left it, and you quickly turned on your computer to check Instagram for the fourth time already that morning.

“Morning, Y/N,” Gretchen said after knocking on your open office door. “We need to discuss some new ideas for the children’s program of the age group nine to eleven. They don’t seem to be very entertained by the magician.”

“Ugh, what is wrong with children these days. Magicians are dope.”

She laughed and came into your office to sit down.

“What about a clown?” she suggested.

“That’s disgusting and terrifying. Do you want to scar them for life?”

“Well, it has to be something that we can relate back to a book collection. I was thinking we could pair the clown visit with books about circuses.”

“What about a live animal demonstration, and then we could pair it with our very extensive texts on all the different species?”

“Live animals in the library? Are you crazy?”

“I don’t see a problem with it. Animals are wonderful.”

“Maybe, until they’re shitting everywhere.”

“That would certainly hold the children’s attention.”

“How about something history related?”

“Boring. I fell asleep in every history course I ever took in college.”

“Y/N, I can promise you our bosses are not going to approve us bringing goats and lizards into the library.”

“I never said it had to be goats or lizards… what about astronomy?”

“What do you mean?”

“We could have an astronomy professor come to tell them the basics about the stars and how to read the night sky. They could do some sort of arts and craft project with the constellations, and then we could pair it with all the books we have on the subject.”

“I like it! And that’s much more reasonable than the goats…” Gretchen was still talking, but your brain stopped listening to her because you had caught a glimpse of your Instagram page still pulled up on your desktop, and your worst fear was now coming true. You had finally hit the pavement.

An old friend from high school, whom you hadn’t talked to in decades but still followed you on social media, had tagged you in the video with the comment, “This is you, right?” Hundreds of notifications were already coming in, and you could feel a sudden nausea sweep over you.

“Uh, Gretchen? I don’t feel so well all of a sudden.” You hurriedly closed out of the browser on your computer.

“Oh no, what’s wrong?” Her eyebrows were knitted in concern.

“I think I might throw up.” You clutched your stomach.

She studied you for a moment. “Well, you better take a sick day, then. We don’t want you passing it along to everyone else, and you deserve some rest anyway. You haven’t taken off work since last Christmas.”

You nodded your head in agreement and grabbed your purse. “You’re right. I really don’t feel well, and I think I just need to get home and rest up a bit.”

You left the library just as you had arrived, heels clicking quickly on the marble floor as you rushed out the door. You couldn’t bear to take the subway again, so you hailed a cab, and blurted the address to your apartment. Beads of sweat were now running down the frame of your face, another panic attack imminent.

Your phone rang, and you looked to see that it was Tyler, surely calling to check on you. But you didn’t feel like talking to him. You didn’t feel like talking to anybody right now. You simply wanted to go home and disappear into your own despair.

It was only after vomiting into your toilet three separate times that you finally got the courage to look at some of the notifications on your Instagram. There were so many of Sebastian’s fans asking if you were his girlfriend. A great number of them were hateful, suggesting that the man didn’t need to be with someone who was so clearly ill-tempered. Some of them were friendly, but still excessive and obsessive in their remarks.

Then there was the onslaught of messages from people you knew. Your family, friends from college, and other random acquaintances demanded to know what had happened with you and that celebrity in the subway.

You didn’t plan to respond to any of them, that is, until you saw a notification from Sebastian Stan himself. He hadn’t followed you, but he’d sent you a message request, and once you accepted it, you were able to see that the message read “I just saw that someone tagged you in the video. I wanted to say I’m sorry for whatever trouble this must be causing in your life, and I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

You stared at it for nearly fifteen minutes in absolute shock. You thought for certain the man would be more annoyed about this than anything. You had not expected him to reach out and be concerned for your wellbeing. You couldn’t decide what to reply or even if you should reply. You took a long bath, drank some wine, and let the absurdity that was your life mull over.

Once you had performed your before-bed routine, you cuddled up with Grey Wind under the fluffy blanket on your bed and pulled up Sebastian’s message to you once more.

Your fingers stayed frozen over the keyboard of your phone for a very long time before you typed “It has been a bit stressful, but that’s certainly not your fault. It was so kind of you to check on me. Despite some major embarrassment on my part, I think I’ll survive. And for the record, I still don’t regret chewing that guy out for taking photos of you.” And then you hit send.


	4. Chapter 4

Sebastian flopped down on the couch in his trailer. The sleeve that he had to wear for Bucky’s metal arm was driving him mad. He had an itch on his elbow that he couldn’t scratch through the sleeve, and he was counting down the seconds until filming would be over for the day and he could take the blasted thing off.

To make matters worse, it was still hot as hell in Atlanta, despite it being mid-October. His entire wardrobe was horribly stuffy, and he wished for the hundredth time he could just be put in one of those suits they use for the CGI costumes. Of course, Sebastian was mostly accustomed to it by now; this obviously wasn’t his first time filming with Marvel. He was thankful that Bucky had finally gotten himself a haircut; he never planned to grow his hair out that much again, and he hated wearing wigs.

There was a brief knock on his trailer door, and then Anthony popped his head in. “Hey man, they want us back on set in ten minutes.”

Sebastian nodded his head. “Got it, thanks.”

After Anthony disappeared, Sebastian snacked on a bag of cashews and grabbed his phone off the table in his trailer to open up his most used app once more. He had already given up hope that he would ever find Y/N’s Instagram account, so he was incredibly surprised to see the swarm of notifications talking about how the mysterious woman on the subway had been identified. He quickly found where she had been tagged and went to her page. She was definitely recognizable in her photos.

He didn’t want to follow her and add fuel to the speculation that they were already dating. He decided to send her a private message request instead, hoping she’d see it as thoughtful and not weird. He typed out something friendly and somewhat formal, hit send, and then left his trailer to head back to set.

All day, he waited for a response, and all day, it did not come. After filming wrapped for the day, he, Anthony, Wyatt, Emily, and Daniel all went out for dinner together. They went to some nice Italian place that Marvel cast members often frequented when filming in Georgia. Sebastian ordered some gnocchi and thanked god once again that he wasn’t on that no-carb diet anymore.

“So Wyatt,” Anthony said to the man, “how’s that newlywed life treatin’ you?”

“It’s been great, yeah. We’re really happy.”

Sebastian pulled out his phone. Small talk such as this often made him feel quite awkward.

“I saw that video from the subway on Instagram,” Emily told him once she saw that he was currently scrolling through the app.

“Yeah, that was a weird day, for sure.”

“Did you know that woman?”

“Not at all. She thought the guy was being creepy and trying to take photos of her, so she called him out for it. It was actually a little funny.”

“I bet it’s not so funny to her now that she’s been shared all over the internet,” she noted.

“Yeah, I sent her a message earlier today asking if she was handling it okay.”

Emily’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Are you sure that’s wise, Sebastian? You don’t know anything about her. What if she screenshots your private messages and posts them online.”

“Well, I’m not going to message her anything that would cause that to be a problem if she did. I’m not an idiot. I was only being nice and checking on her because I felt like the incident was partly my fault.”

“Right. I didn’t mean to stick my nose into your business. I just don’t want to see you get hurt or be made a fool of.”

“I understand. Thanks, Emily.”

The group stayed at the restaurant long after the food had been finished, drinking enough wine to get a joyful buzz as they chatted and tried not to think about the early hour in which they all had to be back on set the next morning. Sebastian ate his weight in pistachio flavored gelato, and despite is awkwardness in group settings like this, he felt rather happy and thankful to be here with these people.

When he got back to the small apartment he was renting for the duration of filming, Sebastian jumped into the shower and stood under scalding water for what felt like hours. He wondered if Y/N would ever message him back or if she hated him now for causing the situation in the subway to begin with. He’d spent an embarrassing amount of time looking through all of her Instagram posts, and she was even more beautiful than he had remembered.

She clearly enjoyed reading because a lot of her posts featured books. She also apparently had a dog that was the central focus of her Insta page. She didn’t take very many selfies, but she had some photos with a guy named Tyler that was mentioned as her brother. And then there was a picture with some woman named Gretchen who seemed to be both a friend and a coworker. Sebastian still had no idea where she worked though.

He stepped out of the shower, toweled off, and slipped on some boxers. As he got comfortable in his bed, he was ecstatic to find that Y/N had finally replied. He smiled to himself as he read her words, and he felt immense relief that she wasn’t angry with him. He took a deep breath and wrote her back.

Sebastian: That’s very noble of you. But I’m wondering, since it really is my fault, is there anything I can do to help reduce the stress this situation is causing.

She responded in a much speedier manner this time.

Y/N: I mean, I don’t think anything short of making some sort of public statement would help. And honestly, I’m not even sure that would change anything.

Sebastian: Yeah, something like that might just backfire. Has it gotten you into any trouble at work?

Y/N: That is yet to be determined. I told my coworkers at the library that I needed a sick day as soon as I saw that I had been tagged this morning.

Sebastian: You work at a library?

He thought that seemed very fitting considering her expressed love of books on Instagram.

Y/N: Yup. I work at the New York Public Library. I plan book signings and readings and help organize fun learning experiences for children of various age groups.

Sebastian: Oh wow. That sounds like a really cool job. I’ve been in there a few times. I’m surprised we never ran into each other before.

Y/N: I’m sure you were probably in incognito mode, otherwise, there would have been a stampede.

Sebastian: Oh come on, I’m not that famous.

Y/N: Riiiiiiiiiiiiight…. You’re very ordinary and humbled to want to step foot on the New York City subway system.

He laughed out loud into the darkness of his bedroom.

Sebastian: Yeah, sometimes I don’t really feel like calling a private car to go to the grocery shop.

Y/N: Understandable.

Sebastian: Look, how about I buy you dinner as an apology when I’m back in town?

It took her ten whole minutes to message him back this time.

Y/N: You’re not currently in town? And I really don’t think that is necessary. The situation was my fault, not yours.

Sebastian felt a little glad that she didn’t closely follow his filming schedules.

Sebastian: So, you’re not a super fan. *breathes sigh of relief* I’m currently in Atlanta filming for FATWS. I’ll be back in New York in December.

Y/N: I’m assuming that’s Falcon and the Winter Soldier? Not a super fan, but I do enjoy the MCU movies.

Sebastian: You guessed it. And what do you say? Dinner when I’m back in town?

Again, she took far too long to respond, and Sebastian thought that was a very bad sign.

Y/N: Not necessary. Thank you for offering though. That’s very sweet.

He sighed at the obvious rejection.

Sebastian: Okay. I have early filming in the morning so I better get some sleep. It was nice talking with you. Sweet dreams.

He set his alarm and dozed off before waiting to see her response.

Sebastian moped about on set for the next two days. Anthony tried his best to joke around and cheer him up despite the man having no idea what was wrong with him, but it was to no avail. It was only when he checked his phone during takes and saw a new message from Y/N that his spirits lightened once more.

Y/N: I realized that I should be offering to buy you dinner to apologize. It was my fault after all, as I’ve mentioned before.

Sebastian: How about we mutually agree on dinner, and then we can fight to the death over the check?

Y/N: I like it.

They continued messaging for most of the day, and it slowly became part of Sebastian’s routine for the rest of October and throughout November to chat with her on his breaks from filming and before he went to bed each night. They discussed their mutual love for certain pop-culture things such as Star Wars and Game of Thrones. She told him that her dog’s name was Grey Wind, and he agreed that Robb was the best character. She teased him about the fact that he did look like a young Mark Hamill, and he joked about her turning out to be a super fan after all, to which she would counter by saying that Sam Wilson was actually her favorite character in the MCU. He certainly wouldn’t be telling Anthony about that one.

Y/N told him some of the things she was working on at the library, and Sebastian’s nerdy side really started to come out when she mentioned having an activity for the children that involved astronomy. He told her how much he loved anything to do with space, and she mentioned that an author of a new astronomy book was doing a signing at the beginning of January. He wrote down the date and assured her he’d be there.

She became the best part of his days, and he was hoping for December to come as soon as possible so that he could see her in person once again.


	5. Chapter 5

You’d told your bosses about the incident. Well, first you told Gretchen, she only used twitter, and the video had miraculously not made it over there. You showed it to her one day in your office, and she assured you it wasn’t all that bad. You told her about the stress it had caused you, worrying when your bosses would finally come across it. That’s when she suggested that you just go to them and show them yourself, that way you could explain the situation exactly how it happened without them making hasty assumptions.

At first, you thought it was an insane idea, but as the days went by and the anxiety ate away at you, you knew you would never rest until your bosses had seen it and you knew exactly what their reaction was. So, at the end of October, you scheduled a meeting with Carl and Debra who were the head librarians of the place. You had still been messaging with Sebastian, much to your delight and excitement, but you didn’t tell him about the meeting you had with your bosses. You didn’t want him to worry for no reason in case everything went smoothly. You figured if things went poorly, you’d tell him after the fact.

The morning of your meeting, your palms were sweaty and your hands shook for the entire subway ride. You hadn’t even been able to get yourself to eat breakfast, your stomach queasy from nerves. You hoped you weren’t shooting yourself in the foot by telling them; from what you knew of them, they both seemed like the type to respect you for your honesty.

It all turned out to be okay, though. You explained the situation before showing them the video.

“And how many people have seen this?” Carl asked.

“Anyone who’s on Instagram, which is to say, millions of people.”

“Okay, let’s try not to make any public scenes in the future. It doesn’t seem to be affecting your work, so we’re not going to worry about it unless something like this happens again in the future.”

And so, you were finally able to move on. You mentioned to Sebastian that no trouble at work had resulted from the video, and he seemed very relieved. The messages the two of you shared were often playful and funny, sometimes serious and caring, but you felt this flirty connection among your messages always, and you were slightly terrified because you were falling for him.

It was a Saturday morning in late November when Sebastian messaged you a shirtless selfie of him in bed and you nearly lost it. This was not a photo that he had posted to his public Instagram, it was one taken specifically for you. At least, you hoped he wasn’t sending it to other women.

Seb: You were the first thing on my mind when I woke up this morning.

And now you had died. How was this gorgeous man, this famous god of a man, finding such interest in you? You who worked at a library. You who had no real friends in New York other than your coworker Gretchen. You who called her brother nearly every day to complain about her first-world problems. You who’s whole life revolved around your dog. Sebastian was so handsome and sweet and unabashedly real, and dammit you wanted to be cool about it, but you were so fucking star struck.

Before you had a chance to stress about whether or not you should send a selfie back, Tyler began calling you.

“Hello, brother dearest,” you cooed into your phone.

“Hey, sis. Bad news.”

“Please tell me it has nothing to do with mom.”

“I can’t tell you that.”

“Mother fucker. What has she done now?”

“She’s decided that we’re to all have Christmas at their place in California now because she’s mad at you for objecting to Christmas in Chicago.”

“Of course she is. Honestly Tyler, I’m about ready to cut that woman out of my life for good. She’s always so horrid to me for no fucking reason, and I just don’t need that toxic energy hanging around anymore.”

“Well, you’re in luck because I told her Clarke and I are flying out to NYC for Christmas and she can do whatever the fuck she wants.”

“Tyler! You did not!”

“I did. So, the game plan is for us to arrive on December fifteenth, and then we’ll leave on either the twenty-sixth or the twenty-seventh.”

“Wow, you really don’t have to do all that just for me. I won’t be mad if you just want to spend the holidays with Mom and Dad.”

“I don’t though. And Clarke is in agreement about New York, so it’s practically already settled.”

“She’s never going to forgive us for this.”

“Oh, she’ll get over it eventually.”

You got off the phone with him shortly after, and immediately took a picture of yourself wearing a huge grin and sitting on your couch with a mug of tea in your hand. You sent it to Sebastian.

You: I just found out that my brother is coming to visit me for Christmas, and I’m stoked.

Seb: That’s awesome. Does he live far away?

Seb: You look beautiful, btw.

You: He lives in Chicago, so not too far. But we both have busy work schedules so I don’t get to see him that often.

Seb: Does that mean all of your December will already be booked?

You: Don’t worry, I’ll still make time for that dinner I owe you.

Seb: You mean the dinner I owe you.

You: *rolls eyes*

You: How are you spending your Saturday?

Seb: I still have filming today, so most likely sweating my balls off in an uncomfortable wardrobe.

You: Surely it’s cooled off in Georgia by now.

Seb: Just barely. I’ve gotta run, my car is already waiting and I’m still not ready. I’ll talk to you later.

On the fifteenth of December, you hailed a cab to take you to the airport, wanting to be there to greet your brother and his husband Clarke as soon as they arrived in NYC.

“I am still in shock that you gave a big ole fuck you to Mom and came here instead,” you said while pulling Tyler in for a bone-crushing hug.

You hugged Clarke next, “I missed you so much! And you need to call me more often, mister! I always have to hear all the hot gossip from this one,” you pointed your thumb at Tyler, “and he never makes it sound as interesting as you do.”

Clarke snorted. “I have to agree. Tyler can make anything sound dull.”

“Hey, excuse you. We’re married.”

“Oh, right. Sorry, what I meant was Tyler is the single most interesting man on the face of this planet,” he flashed a saccharine smile at your brother and you belted out a laugh.

“All right, I’m going back to Chicago, and you two can stay here and be assholes together.”

You wrapped your arm around his shoulder playfully. “Oh, you know we love you. Come on, we’ve gotta get back to my place and put the tree up.”

The three of you spent the evening listening to Christmas vinyl on your record player, drinking hot cocoa, and decorating your tree and the rest of your living room. It was already the most relaxing Christmas you had ever had because there was no worry about what Mom would think about your décor or the food you bought or anything of that sort. Tyler and Clarke never passed judgment on your quaint little apartment, and that was part of the reason you loved them so much. They were always there for you when you needed them.

The next day, Tyler insisted on going shopping alone, presumably to purchase gifts for you and Clarke. The two of you decided to go out for brunch while your brother was gone, and you showed Clarke your favorite little café that was now decorated with blue and silver tinsel in the windowsills.

As you gave a contented sigh over your peppermint cappuccino, you thought it might be time to finally talk to someone about your peculiar situation.

“Clarke, if I tell you something, will you promise not to say anything to Tyler?”

“Oh no. You can’t put me on the spot like this, Y/N. He and I tell each other everything.”

“I swear to you, it’s nothing bad. It’s just something he’ll want to give me an overprotective lecture about, and I don’t want to hear it. But I’ve got to tell someone because holding it in is driving me mad.”

“Fine, I promise not to tell him. Now spill.”

“I’ve been having very long, in-depth, and flirty conversations via Instagram DM with Sebastian Stan.”

“What. The. Fuck…. Why the fuck?… How the fuck?… I can’t even. Just… what?!”

“Okay, I didn’t tell Tyler this, but after I was tagged in the subway video, Seb messaged me to make sure I was okay, and it sort of snowballed from there.”

“Wait, you’re calling him Seb now? This sounds pretty serious.”

“He wants to get dinner when he’s back in town, which should be in like two days.”

“Holy hell.”

“I know. I’m freaking the fuck out. He sends me shirtless selfies and I nearly pass out every time it happens. How am I going to survive dinner with him?”

“Hopefully, he’ll be wearing a shirt at dinner.”

“Ha. Ha.”

Since your brain was on the subject of Instagram, you pulled your phone out and checked the app. Sebastian had posted some pictures taken with Anthony Mackie from what looked to be a set trailer. He’d also sent you a message.

Seb: Two more days until New York.

You: Can’t wait! Hope you’re having a good day today!

You snapped a photo of you and Clarke together and posted it to your page with the caption “Brunch with my favorite guy :)”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ummmm, don't hate me. K thanx.

A man was dangling from twenty-five feet in the air. He was swinging his legs about wildly, throwing punches at the empty space around him, and making overdramatic comic book sound effects with his mouth.

“Having fun up there, Mackie?” Sebastian called up to the man who was always playing around on set.

“I’m having a blast! It’s our last day of filming, I gotta celebrate it somehow!”

Sebastian rolled his eyes from the set chair he was lounging in. It was times like these he was very grateful that Bucky Barnes couldn’t fly. He didn’t much care to spend long periods of time in a harness. He took a large swig of water from the bottle in his hand. He’d just finished up his last scene, which had involved some intense fighting, knife twirling skills, and laborious stunt work. He was exhausted, but watching Anthony make a fool of himself way up in the air was already putting a smile on his face.

As the director, Kari Skogland, yelled “Action!” and The Falcon finished up his flying stunt, Sebastian pulled out his phone to check his messages. He saw that Y/N had replied to his most recent message saying, “Can’t wait! Hope you’re having a good day today.” When he clicked onto her Instagram page to message her back, he noticed that she had a new post. He studied the image of her and some guy in a café with the caption “Brunch with my favorite guy :)” He knew this wasn’t her brother because she had previous posts with Tyler that always mentioned he was her brother in the captions. Sebastian hadn’t ever seen this new man in any of her photos before.

He clicked off the app and stuck his phone back into his pocket as his brow furrowed in confusion. Had he been flirting and sending selfies to a woman who hadn’t even been single this entire time?

A bunch of the cast and crew were going out partying to celebrate the wrap of the show, but Sebastian turned in early, saying he didn’t feel well. He didn’t have any plans for the next morning, only to pack his bags and get to the airport by tomorrow night when a plane would be taking him back to New York. He figured it was safe to get a little wasted in the comfort of his lonely rented apartment.

He scoured the cabinets for any form of poison and was delighted to find some expensive vodka lurking from one night when the cast had partied at his place. He placed a glass on the counter and filled it up three-quarters of the way before taking a burning gulp of straight vodka. He walked to the living room, glass in hand, and plopped down on the uncomfortable couch.

He pulled out his phone but didn’t unlock it, giving a menacing stare to the dark screen. At this point, he was half contemplating just deleting his Instagram account and disappearing for a while. But deep down, he knew it wouldn’t make much of a difference. Even if he stopped posting his own photos online, people would still take pictures of him any time he appeared in public. The only possible way to escape his level of fame was to become a hermit. That was a ridiculous thought, though.

He studied the few messages Y/N had sent him throughout the day.

Y/N: Singing Christmas songs with my brother while we bake cookies. What’s your favorite Christmas song?

It was accompanied by a video of what Sebastian presumed to be her kitchen and she and Tyler belting out Jingle Bell Rock as he tried to mimic the dance moves from Mean Girls. Y/N giggled uncontrollably through the lyrics as she mixed what looked to be gingerbread batter in a large bowl. The video was obviously being filmed by a third party, and Sebastian wondered if it was that man from the picture earlier today.

He tried to wrack his brain and remember if Y/N had ever mentioned him before. He wondered if there had ever been an instance where she so much as alluded to having a boyfriend, but he couldn’t think of a single moment when that had been the case.

She’d sent him another message a few hours after that.

Y/N: I guess you’re pretty busy with the last day of filming and all. Tell my favorite Marvel actor Anthony Mackie I said hi :)

And then an hour after that.

Y/N: Sorry, the Mackie is my favorite actor joke is probably getting pretty old by now. If I don’t hear from you before bed, have sweet dreams, Seb. I’ll see you soon.

He let out a frustrated groan/yell at his empty apartment. He thought he’d had this woman all figured out. She seemed so interesting yet uncomplicated. Complex yet straightforward. He thought he knew exactly what he was getting into by trying to start something with her. But it appeared he had been a fool to think he could truly know a person by Instagram messages and one ten-minute meeting in person.

The splendid feeling of arriving back in New York City never got old for Sebastian. He had lived here since he was twelve. It was his home, and it always welcomed him warmly. Well, today it was technically quite cold, but the flutters of a first snow felt like the celebratory confetti of a much-needed vacation. He was done with work and traveling for a while, his next project not starting until a few weeks after the New Year. Hopefully, he’d be recharged by then because right now, all he wanted to do is crawl into his cozy bed and watch Friends re-runs for ages.

When he arrived at his beloved apartment, he felt as if he was greeting a long lost friend. It had only been since September that he had been here, but he felt himself missing it more and more every time he went away. He used to live for the traveling that came hand in hand with his career, but now it only seemed to wear on him. He looked at himself in the bathroom mirror and poked at the large bags under his eyes. They were a constant accessory to his look these days.

The next evening, Sebastian’s friends were throwing a small house party back at Will Malnati’s place. He dressed in casual jeans and a jacket, placing his favorite grey hat over his hair, and he called a car to take him. Anil Raman greeted him at the door, and he immediately felt elated to catch up with friends that he had not seen since back in the summer when he’d been in Germany. He knew Paul was also in town, so he messaged him the address to come over.

“Hey, Seb! We’re playing your favorite game tonight,” Will announced when he spotted the man.

“I don’t even know what my favorite game is, so what on earth are you talking about?”

Will gestured to the dining area where red solo cups had been arranged around the large circular table. “Musical beers!”

Everyone in the room let out a loud cheer.

“You’re fucking joking,” Sebastian said with laughter in his voice.

“Nope! You’re up for the first round, and no cheating this time!”

“I didn’t cheat! At least not intentionally…” He pulled his jacket off, throwing it across a chair in the corner of the room before rolling up the sleeves of his sweater. He fixed his best Winter Soldier stare on his face. “You’re on, Malnati,” he declared in a menacing tone.

Paul arrived at the party not long after Sebastian lost twice in a row at musical beers. Sebastian greeted him jovially, and they sat down on the sectional in Will’s living room with beers in their hands.

“How’d shoots for the show go?”

“Wasn’t too bad. Not nearly as intense as Civil War. I wanted to talk to you about something, though?”

“Oh?”

“You know that video of me and the shouting woman on the subway?”

“The one from back in September? Yeah.”

And then Sebastian told him about everything that had happened with Y/N since then. It was the first time anyone outside of himself was finding out about it, and he thought it might be nice to get an objective opinion on the matter. He explained how long and how often they had been messaging back and forth, how he had planned to take her on a date as soon as he got back to NYC, but then how he’d seen the photograph of her with some other guy, not to mention the obvious caption that could only lead him to believe one horrible thing.

“So, you think she was playing you this whole time?”

“It sure seems like it. What if she was just tricking me to get some embarrassing things she could post online? I fell right into it like a fool, despite swearing to myself I wouldn’t.”

“Did you ask her if that was her boyfriend?”

“No, I didn’t want to seem pathetic. And it was pretty clear to me from her post that that’s what was going on.”

“Is she still messaging you?”

“I’ve been ignoring them, but she sent me one today that said ‘I’m sorry if I’ve done something to make you angry with me. I hope you’re doing well.”

“I dunno, Seb. It sort of sounds like you need to confront her about it rather than ghosting her. It could be a simple misunderstanding on your part.”

“And if I do ask her, and she says he’s not her boyfriend, how do I just believe that she’s telling the truth now?”

Paul sighed exasperatedly. “Maybe you can’t. Maybe you’re right that you should just forget about her and protect yourself from getting hurt.”

Sebastian took a long sip of his beer. “Maybe…”

He spent Christmas day with his mother and stepfather and did everything he could to just forget his troubles and feel like a kid again. His mother’s Romanian cooking certainly helped bring him back to his childhood, but his worries over work and about Y/N were still there to dampen his holiday spirits like a rainy cloud. It had taken everything in him not to message her back when she had sent a “Merry Christmas to you and your family, Seb” first thing this morning. She seemed so genuine, but he kept having to remind himself that it could all be a ruse. Hopefully, she’d take the hint that he was ghosting her sooner rather than later.


	7. Chapter 7

Somehow, presumably because your life never ceased to stop throwing crazy and twisted things at you, you had not only had a strange but intimate relationship with a celebrity over Instagram messages, you had then proceeded to be ghosted by said celebrity for some unknown reason.

At first, you had chalked it up to him being busy with wrapping filming, packing, and then flying home. But when three days went by and he still hadn’t replied to any of your pathetic messages, you grew worried that something was well and truly wrong. After sending him an apology for the unknown offense you had committed, you told yourself that you would not send any more desperate messages.

Later that night, there were photos shared online of Sebastian at some party in NYC playing musical beers. So, you knew he had made it back home safely, and it confirmed your most dreaded suspicion: he was truly ghosting you.

Only a couple of days before Christmas, when Tyler was in the other room on a business call, Clarke asked you when you were having that dinner with Sebastian.

“Never, it seems.”

His face instantly grew concerned. “What happened?”

“I honestly have no idea. He acted like he was really excited to see me again, and then all of a sudden he stopped replying to my messages the day before he was supposed to fly home.”

“That kind of sounds like he was leading you on, like he had no intention of actually getting that dinner in the first place.”

You felt tears well up in your eyes as Clarke spoke the thought that had been haunting your mind for days. “I just don’t understand why he would do that. It really seemed like we were connecting. He doesn’t seem like the type to be so cruel.”

“Why who would do what?” Tyler asked from the entrance of the living room.

You looked at Clarke with panicked eyes. “Just guy troubles. Nothing you need to worry about, Ty,” he assured his husband.

“Guy troubles?” he walked over to the couch and sat down on the other side of you. “I didn’t even know you were seeing someone.”

“I wasn’t really. We were just… talking.”

“Ugh, I will never understand the whole dating scene these days. Now all of a sudden people have to ‘talk’ for however long before they can actually ‘date’? I thought that was the whole point of dating: to talk and get to know each other.”

You giggled through your tears. “God, Tyler, you sound like an eighty-year-old man.”

He chose to ignore your jab. “So, who is this asshole who’s gotten you so upset when you should be in the holiday spirit?”

You still didn’t have the guts to tell him the whole truth. You knew he’d say you should have known better for trying to get involved with a celebrity if you told him about Sebastian. “He’s just some guy I met on the subway,” you told him casually, hoping he wouldn’t make the connection.

“Well, it sounds like you’re better off without him, Y/N.”

You nodded your head, pretending to be in full agreement with your brother, but you didn’t feel that way inside.

Tyler and Clarke had flown back to Chicago on the twenty-seventh. You’d wanted to spend New Year’s Eve moping in your apartment, but Gretchen had called you and begged you to go out partying with her. You conceded because it was really better to try and get Sebastian off your mind. As the countdown began, and you stood alone in a crowd of couples preparing themselves for a midnight kiss, you decided your resolution would be to stop feeling like and letting everyone else make you feel like your life wasn’t complete if you didn’t have a significant other.

You had gone on so many bad dates in the past decade just for the sake of pleasing your mother, or not having to go alone to a wedding, or to make your coworkers stop thinking you were weird, or to have someone to kiss on New Year’s. It was time you stopped living by all these expectations and pressures that society had been thrusting upon you. You knew you could be happy alone if you simply stopped caring about how other people viewed you.

On the first Saturday in January, you took the subway to a nearby grocery shop. It was Gretchen’s birthday on Monday, and you wanted to bake her a cake to surprise her with at work. As you browsed the baking shelves, glancing back at your list of ingredients several times, you suddenly heard a deep voice mumble “Fuck” at the other end of the aisle. Your head snapped up in that direction, and you saw a man turning away wearing a grey hat that you would recognize anywhere.

“Sebastian?” you called out.

He froze, still facing away from you for a long moment before he finally turned around. “Y/N, umm, hey.”

He took a few steps toward you.

“Hi,” you said awkwardly.

You could tell he was uncomfortable, and you figured it was because he was feeling like a dick right about now for how he’d treated you. “How were your holidays?”

You decided you didn’t want to walk away from this store without an explanation for his actions. “Oh, they were great… except for the fact that you stopped answering any of my messages without telling me what I had done wrong.”

He visibly cringed. “I, uh…” he scratched the back of his neck nervously, “I wasn’t aware that you were seeing another guy. I thought it best to back off.”

You were taken aback. Where on earth had he gotten that idea? “Seeing another guy? Where are you talking about?”

“Your Instagram? Brunch with your favorite guy?”

Suddenly, it all made sense, and you honestly wanted to slap him for how oblivious and stubborn he was. “Clarke? That’s my brother-in-law, not my boyfriend.”

“Your brother-in-law? But you never said anything about Tyler being married. You talked about Tyler all the time; why did you never mention his husband?”

“I don’t know. I honestly thought I had. Do you really not believe me? I can call Tyler right now and ask him to verify if that’s really what you want?”

“What? No. I’m sorry. This clarifies things a bit, and I… feel like a made a really big mistake.”

You put both your hands on your hip, the stance you turned to when you were peeved off for whatever reason. “You think? Why didn’t you just ask me about it? We could have saved so much time here if you had just told me what was going on in that stubborn head of yours.”

He bit his lip, looking properly ashamed. “When everyone you meet is usually trying to take advantage of you in some shape or form, you start to close yourself off from people at the first sign of trouble. That Instagram post seemed like a sign that you were messing with me, so I immediately disconnected in order to protect myself. I’m sorry.”

You realized as he spoke why celebrities didn’t often date ordinary people such as yourself. Is this what a relationship with Sebastian would be like? Every wrong step on your part would result in him pulling away and creating a chasm between the two of you? It sounded exhausting, and you didn’t think you could handle it now, much less, years down the road when things might be more serious.

“All right. Thanks for the explanation. Have a nice life, Sebastian.” You turned away from him, grabbing some flour and sugar and placing it into your basket.

“Wait, what?” He stepped slightly closer to you.

You looked at him again. “If you can’t trust that I’m not trying to take advantage of you now or at any point in the future, then there is no point in us continuing whatever this is.” You gestured between the two of you as you said it.

“Y/N, please don’t do that. I did a really dumb thing. I let my insecurities get the best of me, when I should have just talked to you and taken you out to dinner the second I made it back to New York. I’m really really sorry. Please forgive me.”

You felt your eyes start to water, and for the millionth time, you noted how insane your life had become: having an argument with Sebastian Stan at a grocery shop and crying in the middle of the baking aisle was definitely a first for you. “I’ll say I can forgive you if you say you can trust me,” you told him.

He reached out to gently hold your left hand in his right. “I trust you.”

A small smile crept onto your face. “Then I forgive you.”

You’d had perishable items in your shopping basket, so you told Sebastian you had better get home and get them into the refrigerator. He’d insisted that the two of you exchange phone numbers so that you didn’t have to keep using Instagram messenger, and then he’d promised to text you very soon.

You’d let out a laugh on the subway when only five minutes after leaving the grocery store you’d received a simple “Hi” with a smiley face from him. After arriving back at the apartment, putting the groceries away, and then walking Grey Wind, he texted you once more.

Seb: I really do owe you an apology dinner now. Are you free tonight?

You: Free as a bird. And please tell me these past two weeks weren’t some elaborate plan to trick me into letting you pay for the dinner?

Seb: LOL I’m not smart enough to pull all that off. And that would have been a little overdramatic, don’t you think?

You: You are an expert in drama.

Seb: Since when did you get so sassy?

Seb: Does seven o’clock work for dinner?

You: Since always. Have you already forgotten me so easily?

You: Seven is perfect. On a scale of pajamas to evening gown, how fancy should I dress?

Seb: I mean, I’d love to see you in your pajamas.

Your face instantly heated as you read the message. This man was going to be the death of you.

Seb: Casual winter wear should be fine. I’m not taking you to some stuffy restaurant.

Seb: Can you send me your address? I’ll pick you up in a private car.

You did as he asked, and then immediately went to your closet and started panicking about what to wear. Grey Wind ran around playfully, yipping at your feet as you danced through your wardrobe. You knew that you didn’t really have to impress Sebastian with fancy clothes, after all, he had seen you in your casual grocery store garb and still wanted to take you to dinner. But the thought of spending an entire evening with this man face to face, after you had been hiding behind a phone for two months was rather nerve-wracking.

Many hours later, you fussed over your hair in the bathroom mirror as a knock came at your front door. Grey Wind instantly started in with his high-pitched bark, and you told him to hush as you nervously went over and opened the door. Sebastian looked gorgeous in a sweater that matched the exact color of his eyes and some nice charcoal colored pants. He wore a long black pea coat over the ensemble because it was still January and rather freezing outside.

“Hi, Sebastian,” you said to him.

“You look beautiful,” he said before leaning in and lightly pecking your cheek. “And this must be Grey Wind,” he remarked as he squatted down to pet the rambunctious dog at your feet. Grey Wind was a worthless guard dog when it came down to it. If a stranger was offering pettings and cuddles, he would instantly take to them. You often joked that he’d make fast friends with the person who would murder you in your sleep.

He nuzzled his head into Sebastian’s large palm, and you smiled contentedly at the scene. “You’re just as ferocious as your namesake,” he joked, and you let out a little giggle.

He stood back up and offered you his hand. “Ready?”

He took you to a nice Mediterranean restaurant near Central Park. You remember telling him in a message back in November that Mediterranean was your favorite type of food, and you thought it really sweet that he had remembered. Over your bites of falafel, you smiled dopily at each other and talked about how you had spent your respective Christmases and New Year’s. You learned that Sebastian would be leaving the state again in two weeks for a new project, and it made you quite sad, but you knew he would be just as adamant about messaging you all day every day as he had been while filming FATWS.

After you had reluctantly let Seb pay for dinner, you decided to walk around snowy Central Park together. You wore a thick coat, but Sebastian still wrapped his arm around you as you walked to help keep you warm, and you couldn’t help feeling like the luckiest woman in the world on this romantic night with him. All those thoughts about being happy alone forever had suddenly escaped your brain. You thought you would for sure be miserable for eternity if this man ever stopped looking at you the way he was right now.

When you were nearing Wollman Rink, a brilliant inspiration suddenly overtook you. “We should go ice-skating!” you exclaimed in excitement.

Sebastian made a face that said he’d rather die than step foot on the ice.

“What’s wrong? You don’t like ice-skating?”

“I’ve never been…”

“Then now’s a perfect time,” you encouraged him.

“I don’t think so…”

A playful smile spread across your lips. “Seb, are you afraid of ice-skating?”

He sighed. “The thought of it terrifies me, okay. I just keep thinking ‘what if I fall, and then someone runs into me with one of those sharp blades and like chops my head off.”

You couldn’t hold in your laugh. “You think this is somehow going to result in you losing your head?”

“Maybe,” he grumbled.

“Oh, Seb. That’s the most adorable thing I’ve ever heard. Look, we’ll stay next to the wall the entire time, and I’ll even let you hold onto my hand.”

He threw his head back and groaned. “You’re really going to make me do this?”

“I really am,” you informed him with a wicked grin.


	8. Chapter 8

Shaking ankles stumbling across smooth ice. A small palm pressed tightly against his own sweaty one. Flurries of crystalline snowflakes resting in her hair. Eyes staring up at him and shining like the stars. Their first kiss outside her apartment door, lingering and sweet enough to make his teeth rot, as Grey Wind barked wildly from the other side. Leaving after she made it inside safely, face muscles hurting from the inability to stop smiling.

A ball cap, collared coat, and sunglasses worn to the New York Public library. Standing in the back and trying to remain inconspicuous as a published astronomer read an excerpt from her new book. A beautiful woman wearing high heels and her hair in a sleek bun sneaking up behind him and tickling his side. Him letting out an embarrassing giggle and accidentally drawing some attention to himself before glaring at said woman that was trying to muffle her own fit of laughter.

Going out for pizza after the reading, Sebastian with a newly signed copy of the book tucked under his arm. Y/N picking up a slice of New York’s cheesiest and finest and telling him that girlish squeal he had let out in the library would forever haunt her dreams.

Them somehow avoiding Sebastian being recognized and photographed throughout all this wonder. Feeling normal. Feeling free. Feeling un-scrutinized.

These were the moments Sebastian thought back to now from his hotel in Los Angeles. They had only gotten to spend those two days together before he had to leave town again, but those two days would have to be bright and splendid enough to get him through a couple of months of filming. The Beat the Reaper movie was finally, finally being made, and he was stoked to see this project happen, but he couldn’t help but wish he would have had more time with Y/N before having to jet out of the city again.

He took a quick selfie before crawling out of bed, endlessly amused at how flustered the woman seemed to get when he sent her ones without his shirt on.

Y/N: I haven’t even had my morning tea, and you’re already assaulting my eyes with your sculpted form? What’s wrong with you?

Sebastian: My apologies. I’ll never send you a shirtless selfie again.

Y/N: Hey now, let’s not be too hasty about this…

Sebastian: How’s your morning going, gorgeous?

Y/N: Still in bed, have to get up soon, still staring at your picture…

Sebastian: Must be nice to receive frequent morning selfies to stare at…

Y/N: Real subtle, Seb.

He grinned as her message was immediately followed by a picture of Y/N in bed, Grey Wind snuggled under the crook of her arm, her hair splayed out across the pillow, and a groggy look still lingering in her eyes.

Sebastian: Absolutely stunning

Y/N: You flatter me, Mr. Stan

Y/N: Don’t you have a film set to get to?

He glanced at the clock and sighed, realizing she was right.

Sebastian: Shit, yeah. I’ll call you when we wrap for the day, it should be after you’ve gotten off work.

Y/N: Looking forward to it :)

It was nearing the end of January, and Sebastian was already exhausted from the numerous events he had been attending outside of his film schedule. In more recent years, he’d seemed to develop this complete inability to say no to invites, and it often left him running from one place to the next with an increasingly obvious lack of sleep. He thought it might have started with an idea that he should try to live in the moment as much as possible. He felt he shouldn’t stay at home experiencing life through television or social media if he was given the opportunity to spend his nights with good friends and friendly acquaintances.

Of course, there had been a few exceptions to this adopted mentality, like when he had been an idiot and ghosted Y/N. He’d avoided as many parties as he could throughout those two weeks, only attending the one at Will’s because those were his oldest home-town friends.

Just the other night he’d attended a house party hosted by a producer he had worked with a while back. To his surprise, Chris Evans had also been in attendance with his girlfriend whom it seemed everyone else had already met except for Sebastian. She seemed like a kind and funny woman, down to earth and clearly a perfect fit for Chris. She worked in event planning, and before he knew it, Sebastian had ended up making plans to have her coordinate his mother’s upcoming birthday party.

Tonight he was attending a fashion show. He currently had his phone propped up on the dresser in his hotel room, face-timing Y/N as he pulled his suit jacket on and fastened the cuff links.

“I suppose you’ll be out pretty late?” she said, and Sebastian could hear the Game of Thrones theme playing from her living room TV.

“Probably. I wish I was there watching my favorite show with you, though.”

She smiled sadly. “Me too. I’ll be here hoping no other vulgar women feel the need to defend your honor because you look so fucking handsome tonight, Seb, and you could have any woman you wanted.”

“I only want one, though.”

He could see a lovely blush creep up her cheeks. It always became a little awkward when they talked about this. They hadn’t defined their relationship yet, wanting to wait to make it official until they had spent more than a handful of moments together in person. It was really only a formality, though, because in Sebastian’s mind, he was already committed to her and he suspected that she felt the same.

The amount of paparazzi at the show was insane. One would think that after years of being a celebrity, Sebastian would have grown accustomed to the rabid photo hounds, but huge masses of flashing lights and shouting voices telling him to look in every which way always agitated him beyond belief.

He followed his security personnel quickly from the car to the entrance of the show. He mingled for a while with a few peers he hadn’t seen in a long time, and then he took his seat at the front row, squished between a couple other A-list celebrities. This was the part of these events Sebastian actually enjoyed; he had quite an interest in fashion and loved seeing the new artwork that different designers created.

Somehow, the crowd had doubled by the time Sebastian was leaving the show. He kept his head down, wanting to get back in the car as quickly as possible.

“You’re so fucking rude! You won’t even stop for pictures?!” a man shouted at him.

Sebastian froze. The sheer audacity of pathetic people like this genuinely amazed him. “Every moment of my life is fucking photographed, so excuse me if I don’t feel the need to stop and do a thousand poses and forced smiles for you people.”

His security guys were urging him to the car, making it clear that he shouldn’t engage.

“Sounds like you’ve been taking notes from the woman in the subway video,” another pap yelled. “Screaming profanities at us when we’re just trying to do our jobs is pretty unprofessional.”

His jaw tensed harder than he thought it ever had in his life. “You can all go to hell. I don’t owe you anything.” He walked over to the car and slammed the door shut once he had climbed in. 

“Are you all right, sir?” one of his security team members asked him.

“I’m fine,” he said, but Sebastian could feel the hands of misery clutching at his mind and threatening to pull him under. His own hands were still clenched and shaking in outraged at what had been said to him. He knew by morning he’d probably strongly regret lashing out in public, especially when his publicist would call him and give him a lecture, but right now he felt that he could not have walked by silently without giving them a piece of his mind.

Back in his hotel room, tears rushed freely from Sebastian’s eyes. He squinted at his cellphone, barely able to read the screen through his watery view, and dialed Y/N’s number.

“Hello?” She sounded like he had woken her up, it was three hours later there after all, and he felt infinitely worse for being such a bother.

He realized that he had no idea what to say; he had just wanted to hear her voice. It was all getting to be too much, and she was the one he knew would have the best chance of cheering him up.

“Sebastian? Are you there?”

He couldn’t hold in the sob that escaped from his throat.

Her voice suddenly came through much more alert. “Seb, what’s wrong? What’s going on?”

“I was leaving the fashion show, and I made an absolute fool of myself.”

“In what way?”

“In a ‘you on the subway’ sort of way,” he told her through the line as he wiped at his eyes and tried to regain some composure.

“You cursed out a fan?”

“No. Paparazzi.”

“Okay, that’s not so bad. They’re all incredibly rude anyway.”

“It’s still gonna make me look like a jackass when a video of it makes it online by morning.”

“What made you confront the person? You’re usually so cool-headed about those sorts of things.”

“I dunno. I guess I just felt exhausted and grumpy, and my mood was just getting fowler as the night went on. I just kept thinking how much I enjoy the actual show part of a fashion show but that the swarms of people waiting for me outside makes me no longer want to go do something I would otherwise enjoy. It feels like I’m having to change my life just to avoid the masses, and when this guy accused me of being rude for not wanting to stop and take photos when I was tired and just wanted to get back to my hotel room, it made me so angry.”

“I’m so sorry you had to deal with that, Seb. And that you’re alone. I wish I were there to make you feel better.”

“Just talking with you helps a lot. I’m sorry I woke you. I guess I was sort of having a meltdown.”

“No need to apologize. I want to talk you through the hard stuff; that’s what people do when they care about each other.”

He finally wormed his way out of his suit jacket and did a funny dance as he tried to get undress for bed while still holding the phone to his ear.

“I feel so conflicted right now. What do you think I should do about all this, Y/N?” he asked her after collapsing onto the hotel bed.

“I obviously have little to no knowledge about living a very public life, but in all honesty, it sounds like you need to start turning down some invitations to things. Maybe not all of them, but if you only venture out to fashion shows and parties every once in a while, it will make it more enjoyable when you do.”

A part of him knew that she was spot on. He’d been running on empty for far too long now, and he was going to have to take some time off pretty soon before he completely lost it, but there never seemed to be a perfect opening for a long break. As soon as he would get halfway through one project, another would come along. And the events helped create these steps in his career, meeting new producers, directors, writers, and actors at every party he attended. To take more than a few weeks off felt like he was throwing in the towel and accepting his time in the limelight as finished.

“Yeah, maybe…” he told her, but Sebastian couldn’t see himself saying no to opportunities that the young struggling actor in himself would have died for.


	9. Chapter 9

The rest of January and the beginning of February introduced you to a new routine. You woke up, texted Sebastian, ate breakfast with Grey Wind, texted Sebastian, walked Grey Wind, called Sebastian as you were walking to the coffee shop and then down to the subway, called him at lunch, texted him as you were heading home again, and then after dinner, you talked to each other for hours over face-time. It was rare that this string of daily events varied, and when they did, it was usually because of Sebastian’s crazy filming schedule.

On your weekends, if the man actually got a day off, you face-timed in the mornings, Sebastian light-heartedly teasing you for how wild your hair looked just after bed, and you trying to find a single thing to tease him about but failing miserably because he looked so damn perfect all the time.

Ever since Sebastian’s breakdown over the incident with the paparazzi, the two of had drawn closer, and more serious conversations began to frequent your phone calls just as much as the flirty and playful ones. He told you all about his struggles with being in the public eye and his mental health issues. You told him all about your rocky relationship with your mother and your own struggles with anxiety.

Despite having started to fall for him somewhere back in November, it was in these early weeks of the New Year that you began to really understand Sebastian as a person, what brightened his days, what made him tick, what was buried in his soul. And it was as you pulled back these layers of Sebastian Stan’s complex personality that you really fell in love with him. You fell in love with the links to articles about new space discoveries that he would send you sometimes twice a week. You fell in love with the rambling speeches he would accidentally fall into when he got passionate about something like the next scene he had to shoot or a new script he had read. You fell in love with his complete inability to functionally handle any sort of technology; face-time really wasn’t that hard, but it seemed to be for him, and him trying to film Instagram live videos was a whole other level of hilarity. You fell in love with his vulnerability, but also his courage to keep doing something he was passionate about, despite the world making it difficult for him.

You fell in love with the little things too, like the way his voice sounded slightly different when he called you in the mornings because he hadn’t quite emerged from his sleepy state. Or the way he always asked to say hi to Grey Wind on the face-time calls, and how Grey Wind seemed to recognize him and wagged his tail happily when Seb would coo “hey buddy.”

Then there were the physical things, such as the way his tongue always seemed to be on display, licking his lips so seductively. When he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, it drove you mad, and every time he ran his fingers through his hair, you wished that you were the one doing it instead. And you could probably go on for a million years about that man without a shirt on or even the way he looked in a suit.

It was currently a Thursday, the thirteenth of February, and you had just pulled out the pasta you had brought to work for lunch. Before calling Sebastian, you opened up Instagram on your desktop to see if Tyler or Clarke had any cute new posts. You were surprised to find instead that Sebastian had posted a new selfie. He was in the back of a car, giving a sad sort of smile to the camera and the caption read, “Missing someone really important to me. Any amount of time spent with loved ones never seems to be enough.”

You picked up your phone and clicked on his contact.

“Hey, you,” he answered happily.

“Looks like someone’s been getting all sentimental on Instagram today.”

“Yeah, well… I miss you.” You could hear the bashfulness in his voice.

“That was a great photo of you, by the way, but that pouty little smile made me want to kiss it right off your lips.” Your office door was closed, so you weren’t worried about your coworkers overhearing you.

You heard him let out a very quiet groan. “Don’t start talking like that. I’m still on set, and you’re going to drive me mad.”

“Maybe that’s the goal: to drive you mad so that when you finally get back to New York you’ll be absolutely crazy for me.”

“Baby, I’m already crazy for you. All the teasing things you say are just an extra form of torture.”

“You have no room to talk Mr. Doesn’t Know How To Keep His Tongue Where It Belongs.”

You heard him let out a chuckle. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Sebastian, don’t play coy. You know exactly what you’re doing to me.”

Somehow, his voice dropped even lower as he said, “If you’re insinuating that my tongue belongs in my mouth, I can assure you it does not. It belongs somewhere else entirely…”

“Okay!” you practically squealed. “I’m hanging up now.” And you did because despite him supposedly being on set, he seemed to have no shame about trying to get you all worked up while you were in your office on your lunch break.

He didn’t call you that evening, sending you a couple texts that said he had a night shoot and you should just get some rest. You decided to start a new book, and not having read Beat the Reaper before, you thought it was a perfect time to give it a go since your sort-of boyfriend was currently filming the movie. You purchased it on your kindle. Although you prefer hard copies, you didn’t want to have to pop out to a bookstore or wait for it to ship from Amazon.

Far too many hours later, your bedside lamp was still on and you were halfway through the novel, fully engrossed in this insane and thrilling story. You kept thinking about the main character and how interesting it was going to be to see Seb bring him to life on screen. You now understood why he had wanted to work on this project so much, and you knew that if the director and writers did well, the movie was sure to be a huge hit.

You would have normally been very happy that it was a Friday, but today was also Valentine’s Day, and it always drove you mad to watch all you coworkers receive ridiculously expensive flower arrangements throughout the day. You didn’t hate the holiday altogether, but you hadn’t actually celebrated it with someone in ages. Most of your past relationships had lasted anywhere between six to nine months, and it always seemed that you were single once again by the time February rolled around.

You wore a fluffy red sweater as your show of festivity, and you snapped a picture before leaving your apartment this morning. You sent it to Sebastian.

You: Will you be my long-distance Valentine?

Seb: Red looks incredible on you. And I would love to be your Valentine :)

Seb: I won’t be able to talk much again today. Hopefully, I can see that pretty face of yours this evening though.

You assumed he was talking about face-time.

You: I understand. It’s just a silly holiday, anyway.

You arrived at work, ready to get the day over with and then enjoy a weekend of relaxation. What you did not expect to find was a giant vase of flowers waiting for you on your desk when you walked into your office. You stood before them, stunned by the vibrant mix of pinks, reds, purples, and whites. “What on earth?” you said to yourself.

“Looks like you’ve got a secret admirer… or a boyfriend you haven’t told me about,” Gretchen’s voice came from behind you.

“Umm, not a boyfriend. Just a guy I’m talking to, but we haven’t made it official yet. And I don’t even know if these are from him.”

“Well, you better read the card then.”

You leaned over and plucked the card from between the soft petals. Once you unfolded it, you saw that it said, “I’d do anything to make you feel special on this silly holiday. –S”

You swore you could feel your heart grow a size larger in your chest, and you felt so full of love right now that you might have burst. How he had managed to get the flowers here in the short time between you sending him that message and you arriving at work, you had no idea, but it didn’t really matter.

You took a picture of the flowers and posted it to Instagram, knowing he would see it. “Valentine flowers from my hopelessly romantic guy,” you wrote underneath the image. You also sent him a quick thank you over text but knew he might be too busy with work to respond.

When the entire day had gone by, and you still hadn’t heard from Sebastian again, you started to grow a little worried. He was usually so good about responding to your texts no matter how grueling filming was going.

Grey Wind greeted you at the door of your apartment, as usual, and you grabbed his leash from the hook next to the door to take him out. You went around the block a few times, trying to get his much-needed exercise in, and then you took him back inside. You had just pulled a peanut butter treat out of the treat jar to give to him when a knock came to your door.

You furrowed your brows in confusion, not knowing who it could possibly be. You didn’t get many random visitors. You turned back to the door and looked through the peephole, and you thought for a second that what you had seen must have been a hallucination. You quickly flung the door open and threw your arms around the dorky man standing there and grinning like an idiot.

“What are you doing here?!” you said with your face pressed into his chest.

“We had a short break from filming, and I wanted to surprise you for Valentine’s Day.”

You looked up into his eyes, amazed that he had gone to such lengths just to spend a short amount of time with you and make you feel special. “I love you,” you blurted out.

You waited for him to step back, distance himself from this new sign of trouble, but he only squeezed you tighter. “I love you too,” he said before brushing his lips softly against yours. The kiss felt endless, and it slowly deepened as the moments passed. In the way that he moved his mouth and tongue against yours, you could tell he was trying to show you exactly how crazy you made him.

When you eventually parted, you asked him how long he had in NYC.

“Just the weekend. It’s back to LA on Monday morning.”

“Sounds like we better make the most of it, then,” you said while trying to pull him by the arm into your apartment.

“I made a reservation for dinner, so we should probably get going.”

You didn’t want dinner though.

“That sounds really nice, Seb, but I don’t want to go out tonight. I just want to be with you.”

He finally stepped into your apartment and you closed the door. “Okay, I can cancel it. You want to order in and watch a movie or something?” It was amazing how sometimes this man could make a thousand sexual innuendos in one conversation but at other times completely miss the ‘I want to fuck’ signals you were giving him.

“Maybe later,” you told him as you slowly wove your arms back around his neck. “Right now, I just want to be with you.”

His eyes darkened with sudden understanding. “Oh, that can be arranged.” And then his hands were all over you, slowly working their way underneath your shirt as his lips found a sensitive spot on your neck. You hastily pulled his sweater off, dying to run your fingers across those abs, and he made your red sweater vanish just as quickly. His hands on your body felt like something you’d always needed but never knew until this very moment. His fingers were fast and nimble, yet teasingly slow. A burning inferno emanated from every spot where skin met skin.

Once you were both in only your underwear, his teeth playfully nibbled at your chest as you dragged your nails down his sides. He stopped for a moment and asked, “Do you have a bedroom somewhere around here?”

You snorted and grabbed his hand, leading him to your room that had thankfully been cleaned only yesterday, despite you having no idea that there would be a man in your bed tonight. When you lay back on the bed, Sebastian kissed his way down your abdomen, and slowly pulled off your last bit of clothing. “What was that you were saying about my tongue yesterday?” he whispered against your stomach.

“That I have no problem with it being in places other than your mouth,” you let out with a giggle, your fingers slowly raking through his hair.

He smirked up at you before moving lower. “That’s what I thought.”

It was really late now, the brutal February night winds were blowing hard against your bedroom windows. Sebastian had dozed off, and you were currently acting as his little spoon, his left arm thrown over your waist. You weren’t tired, the adrenaline rush and general joy of having him here with you now was making your mind race. You shifted just slightly to grab your phone off the nightstand, but this small movement woke the man wrapped cozily around you from his light slumber.

“Shit, sorry I drifted off,” he said softly into your ear.

“It’s all right. I was actually thinking… if you’re comfortable with it, that is… that you should just stay here until Monday. Since we only have the weekend together, I’d rather spend every second with you.”

He peppered kisses along the nape of your neck and down across your shoulder blades. “I think that sounds perfect.”

As if almost in unison, both of your stomachs growled. You burst out laughing, and Sebastian propped his head up by his elbow with an amused smile on his face. “Looks like we forgot to eat dinner.”

“I know of a Chinese place that delivers 24/7 for the right price.”

“I’d give an arm and a leg for some egg rolls right now,” he informed you, and you laughed once again.

“Same.” You rose from the bed and grabbed some sweats from your dresser. “I’ll go grab the menu.” You looked him over as you slipped into the warm clothes. The sheet was only covering his feet, and it was torture trying to peel your eyes away from his captivating form. “You just stay right there and continue looking fine as fuck, and I’ll be right back,” you called out over your shoulder as you walked down the small hallway.

You heard him scoffing all the way from the living room.

You’d had Chinese takeout in the middle of the night in bed hundreds of times before, but never once with a naked man sitting right next to you and forking huge amounts of fried rice into his mouth at an impressive speed.

“This was the best idea you’ve ever had,” he said between bites.

“I think the best idea I ever had was picking a fight with that guy on the subway,” you admitted.

He pointed his fork at you in agreement. “That too.”

The room fell silent again as you both worked to appease your empty stomachs.

After many long moments, Sebastian cleared his throat and said, “I got offered a new role to start in June once filming for Reaper is over.”

“Oh? That’s great, Seb. What film is it?”

“I’m not sure if I want to take it…” he sounded quite conflicted, and you knew there must be something troubling his mind.

“Why not?”

“There are several nude scenes in it… which means I’d have to get back in peak shape again… which means I’d have to go back on that miserable no-carb diet.”

“Yeah, I remember you saying how grumpy it made you to have to eat that way for months.”

“Exactly. And it’s not that I have a problem with the nude scenes, it’s just all the extra stress I have to put my body under to get to how they want me to look for them. I just don’t know if it’s worth it anymore.”

You reached out and placed a comforting hand on his thigh. “For the record, you would look irresistible in any nude scene as you are right now, and you’ve been eating carbs for months. Why the way you look now isn’t good enough for the people who do these movies is beyond me, but I think you’re right to consider turning down the role if it’s already got you dreading it this much.”

“It’s just so hard to turn down opportunities that are handed to me on a silver platter, you know? It makes me feel like I’m being ungrateful.”

“You shouldn’t. You’re an incredibly humble guy compared to most in Hollywood, from what I hear anyway. You should never force yourself into a role that you’re not happy about just to seem more appreciative. You’ve got to start putting yourself first sometimes, Seb.”

He leaned over and gave you a sweet kiss on the lips. “Thank you,” he whispered.

“For what?”

“Being amazing, that’s all.”


	10. Chapter 10

Fast and hard. That was how this love had hit him. Sure, it had been simmering under the surface for months, but the way it had suddenly consumed his soul came out of nowhere. He was enveloped by it now: the burning need to be near her, the itching in his fingers to touch her body always. As Sebastian thought about this new development, this fierce feeling at the forefront of his heart and mind, he realized that it had never been this way before.

Never had another woman made him want to go to such lengths for an archaic holiday. Not once had he experienced such romance while munching on Chinese food in bed. Never had he felt so understood by someone who was not in the industry. And when she told him to put himself first, it was a strange occurrence that Sebastian was actually considering it.

That weekend back in New York had been a whirlwind. They’d said ‘I love you’ to each other, and Sebastian had no doubt that she’d meant it as much as he did. They’d made love, and it had been completely electrifying. He had never wanted to leave her bed again after the mind-blowing things she’d done to him. And the post-sex cuddling and conversation had been just as satisfying.

On Saturday morning, he had gone back to his apartment in the city to grab the suitcases he had left there. When he returned, Y/N was waiting with homemade pancakes for breakfast, and Sebastian took down an impressive stack coated in sugary maple syrup. They discussed going out to some shops or something later that day, but for the time being, they parked their butts on her couch, Grey Wind happily resting in Sebastian’s lap, and they searched for something interesting to watch together.

After deciding on Westworld, which both of them had not watched any of, Y/N leaned over and rested her head in his lap right next to where Grey Wind was laying. To no surprise, she only made it through one and a half episodes before falling asleep. Sebastian paused the show and grabbed his phone off the arm of the couch, killing some time by scrolling through Instagram in order to let her rest for a while.

When she had startled awake thirty minutes later because of Grey Wind’s barking, Sebastian ran a comforting hand through her soft hair. Her eyes met his with that same passion they had held the night before, and it wasn’t long before she was sitting up and straddling his lap, her hands and lips much more in charge than they had been the last time they’d done this. He thought he might pass out from forgetting to breath when she slid down his body until her knees met the floor and began unbuttoning his pants, her face hovering inches from the spot where he wanted her to touch him the most, and her hot breath seeping through the fabric of both his pants and his underwear.

After teasing him for ages, Sebastian could only watch on in awe, hands gripping her hips tightly as she straddled him once more with far less clothing, and the way she moved on his lap was an alluring dance that wasted no time bringing them both to the peak of pleasure.

It had been like that the rest of the weekend, them contemplating going out, but ultimately not being able to keep their hands off of each other long enough to make it out the door. They’d cooked a couple of meals together, ordered in for a couple more, and through all of it, Sebastian kept having the thought that he could do this with her forever and never even get bored.

He had been back in LA for a while now. The film was shooting here until the end of March, then he had to attend the Oscars before flying straight to Atlanta to do reshoots for FATWS for a couple of weeks. After that, he was returning to New York for at least a month and a half because, to Sebastian’s great relief, the remainder of Beat the Reaper would need to be shot in NYC since that’s where the film is actually set.

He had been in touch with Chris’ girlfriend a couple of times now to work out the details for his mother’s birthday party. He planned to fly her and his step-dad out to LA because he couldn’t get away from filming again. It happened that the party would fall just two days before the Oscars and his subsequent departure from LA, and so the natural thing for Sebastian to do might have been to invite his family to go with him to the Oscars. Instead, he kept having this maddening idea take precedent in his head, one that told him to invite Y/N to go with him.

He hadn’t asked her yet. He was waiting for the moment that made this concept feel absolutely right in his mind. He imagined arriving there with the most beautiful woman on his arm, one that some would certainly recognize from the subway video, and when the interviewers asked what was going on, he could wear a proud smile as he said that they were together now, happily dating.

That was one other momentous thing that had occurred between them on Valentine’s weekend: Sebastian had asked her to be his girlfriend, and she had instantly said yes. And despite the man keeping his personal life very private in the past when he dated someone, there was just something about this woman that made him want to shout to the world how lucky he was to have her. He’d rarely been one of those celebrities to show up to any awards show or premiere with a gorgeous date, but now he felt himself really wanting to be that guy.

He waited to ask her. Waited and waited and waited. Every good morning text or goodnight face-time call, Sebastian was thinking it but never saying it. Part of him was afraid of rejection, but his love addled brain couldn’t figure out quite why he thought she might say no.

Perhaps it was the nerves over asking her, or the stress of an even more strenuous filming schedule than he’d had back in January, or it quite possibly could have been the fact that the paparazzi had finally gotten wind of the hotel he was staying and his daily routines, but his anxiety was slowly getting to him again. He couldn’t take a fucking step outside without being bombarded by cameras. By four days of it, he had changed hotels, but he still felt hesitant to leave his room for any purpose other than filming.

And then there was a party, and the director who invited him was one that Sebastian absolutely could not say no to. He had a lot of pull in the business and Sebastian knew that attending a party of his could open up so many doors in an actor’s future. So, he went, but it was the fashion show all over again. Excessively rude paparazzi lined the entrance to the club where the party was being held, and this time a crowd of screaming fans accompanied them. He tried being friendly and signing a few things for the fans at the front, but the screaming and camera flashes got to him quickly and he had to depart for the club rather hastily.

He didn’t have any sort of altercations with paparazzi this time, but the party was dreadful in and of itself. He wondered when he had lost the ability to put on a fake smile and schmooze. It used to be one thing he was excellent at, but now he felt like a wet blanket at every event he attended.

By the time he made it back to his hotel, he was in much the same state he had been in after the fashion show, and it was no surprise that the first thing he wanted to do was call Y/N.

“Hey baby, I hope I didn’t wake you,” he said as soon as she picked up.

“No, I was still up, reading. How did the party go?”

“Pretty fucking terrible, but that’s sort of becoming the regular, so I don’t know why I was surprised.”

“I’m so sorry, Seb. I wish I knew what to do to help…”

After contemplating it for a month, Sebastian decided to finally just shoot his shot.

“Yeah… about that, the Oscars are coming up at the end of the month, and I honestly don’t know if I can survive them without you.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m asking you to come as my date…”

The line was silent for a long time, and Sebastian thought that didn’t bode well for him.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Seb,” she finally said.

“Why not?”

“Because we’ve only just become official, and now you want to announce to the world that we’re together and have to deal with all the scrutiny and backlash that comes with it? I’m not ready for that, and I don’t think you are either. I know everything feels so wonderful right now, and so you just want to tell everyone. I get it because I feel the same. But if we tell everyone, all the wonder will be stomped out by the overbearing voices of the public, and I think our relationship is too new to be able to withstand that kind of pressure.”

“But I… I don’t want to go without you, Y/N.”

“So don’t go, Seb. You’re not up for nomination this year, so there’s nothing forcing you to be there. Just come home for a few days before Atlanta.”

For some reason, this suggestion made him unbelievably angry. “I thought you said you wished you could do something to help. Instead, you just constantly tell me to stop living my life every time I try to talk to you about a problem. Don’t go to fashion shows anymore. Don’t do that movie. Don’t attend the Oscars. It’s starting to sound like you don’t want to be with an actor after all. You just want me to be some normal guy who can stay in New York year-round.”

He heard her let out a frustrated huff.

“I have no problem with you traveling the world and going to parties and shows and whatever. What I have a problem with is you actively doing things that are detrimental to your mental health. If you really feel like you can’t even survive the Oscars without me being there, then you should not go, Sebastian. You’re worn down and burned out, and the busy Hollywood life is getting to you. I’m terrified of seeing you run yourself ragged past the point of no return. You have to learn to say no sometimes and have a little patience for only the best stuff.”

“Life isn’t about waiting, it’s about living.”

“Are you really living though? Because you seem half dead every time I talk to you when you’re away.”

“Now you’re saying I’m not attentive when I talk to you? Fuck that.”

When she responded next, her voice was the coldest he had ever heard it directed at him. “That’s definitely not what I’m saying, Seb. You need a break, and you need to call your therapist if you’re just going to get angry with me every time you talk to me about your stress level. I love you, but I can’t deal with this right now.”

His phone beeped, signaling that she had ended the call.


	11. Chapter 11

In life, there are those moments where you must decide if something is complicated because it is inherently wrong or if the complication is simply something you must overcome to get to greatness at the heart of the thing. Relationships should not be infinitely hard, but neither should they be expected to flow through the years with constant ease. Healthy relationships have a balance of challenges and obstacles that never shade the brightness that shines from the love shared between the two people.

It was clear to you that this is what you and Sebastian had. Sure, the heavy stuff crept into the relationship sometimes, and it was worse when Sebastian was pushing himself too hard, but never for a second did you find yourself thinking that what was shared between the two of you wasn’t pure and good. The connection you felt with him lit up your darkest days, and despite butting heads with him on a rare occasion, you were at your happiest when he was at his happiest.

You knew for certain that the two of you would sort through your differences eventually, but these good intentions and hopefulness of yours didn’t just make it happen instantaneously.

After you had hung up on him that night, you didn’t speak to each other for two days. You spent the first of those two days still angry and at a loss of what to do. You spent the second of them crying your eyes out, the baggy sleeve of your favorite sweater soaked with salty tears and snot. And then you called him because at this point you didn’t care if you had to tell him a thousand times how sorry you were, you just needed to hear his voice again. Hear it say your name. Hear it say he loved you. Still loves you… despite you having grown annoyed at his insistence to never give his body and mind some rest.

The thing was, you still didn’t think you were in the wrong. Of course you would support Sebastian in any endeavor that he joyfully committed to, but it was those that he reluctantly took and trudged his way through that you couldn’t support. You just wanted him to be at peace with his life and career, and he was never going to get there if he didn’t start taking better care of his mental health.

You knew that biting his head off over the phone had not been a wise way to address the matter, and for that you truly were regretful. After your day of anger and subsequent day of crying, you knew that it was only through understanding and encouragement that you would ever get Sebastian to start putting himself first. It was never good to come at someone struggling with anxiety in a demanding and closed-off sort of way; that only seemed to have undesired results.

So, when you called him, face still red and eyes still puffy, you felt immense relief that he actually answered. “I’m so sorry, Sebastian,” you immediately said. Your voice was strained from all the sobbing, and you hoped he wouldn’t notice.

But he did. “You sound like you’ve been crying. I’m sorry I upset you so much, baby.”

He was still calling you baby. This was a good sign. “No, it’s my fault. We should have talked it out the other night. I shouldn’t have hung up on you and then ignored you for two days. That was really immature of me.”

“It’s okay. You needed some time to think. I get it… I did a lot of thinking too.”

Your heart dropped back into your stomach, afraid of what he might have been contemplating. “Oh?” your voice was barely audible, nearly silenced from a sudden terror that he might be ending it now. While you were deciding that these small hurdles were very much worth it to climb over in the hopes of a fulfilling finish line, perhaps wonderful, dorky, loving Sebastian had decided that this relationship was too complicated after all.

“It was really silly of me to ask you to go to the Oscars with me after having dated for only a month and a half. And pretty fucked up of me to immediately get mad at you for turning me down. I understand where you were coming from about keeping our relationship private for a while, and I think you were right in that we would have both regretted it if we came out in public together so soon.”

“I should have been more kind in the way declined your invite though, and for that I really am sorry, Seb. I honestly didn’t realize I was beginning to sound like a broken record telling you to turn down invites and offers and never go anywhere and do anything. But once you pointed it out, I knew you had a point. I just hate seeing you miserable, and it seemed to me that all of your extra commitments were what was making it so.”

“Yeah, I understand where you were coming from…” he let out a heavy sigh, and you remained silent, knowing he still had more to get off his chest. “It just made me so hot-headed when you said that about skipping the Oscars because I’ve had such trouble with girlfriends in the past growing tired of my work schedule and begging me to stay home all the time and it scared the hell out of me that you might do the same thing.”

Tears welled up in your eyes once more as you finally, finally realized what had set him off that night and exactly why. “Seb, I swear to you, you could be gone for two years, and yeah I would miss you like crazy, but I would never complain if most of the time you were happy and loving what you were doing. That’s all I was trying to get across the other night. I wasn’t suggesting you just come home because I’m here missing you. I was only saying that New York seems to be the place that puts you most at ease.”

“God, I love you so much,” he said, and you could hear tears in his voice now.

“I love you too. We’re gonna be okay, right Seb?”

“Absolutely. I’ve just gotta get my head and my work schedule sorted out, and then things will be smooth sailing, I promise.”

Sebastian did go to the Oscars, but thankfully he did not try to survive it alone; he had his mother and stepfather by his side. He told you all about his mother’s birthday party he had planned for two days before the awards show, and he explained that it really would be nice to have his family just stay the extra days and attend the event alongside him.

You scrolled through charming photos of Seb and his family at his mother’s party that he had surprisingly posted to Instagram. It wasn’t often that he shared these sorts of intimate occasions with the rest of the world. And then a few days later you saw all the professional photos posted online of Oscar attendees, and easily found the ones of your man. You studied his smile and the way it was present in his grey-blue, crinkled orbs. He seemed happy, and you were so glad his family had been able to go with him.

He’d called you from an after-party that night, clearly drunk as could be. “Just two more weeks, baby, and I’ll be able to spend countless hours in bed with you again,” he slurred into the phone as soon as you picked up.  
“Sebastian! Are you in public?”

“I’m at a party, but nobody’s around right now… What are you wearing?”

“What…? I’m not going to answer that question. Where’s your mom and stepdad?”

“They already went back to their hotel. Why don’t you wanna talk to me tonight?” he whined, and you cringed. You could only imagine if someone else at that party was listening in to this conversation how embarrassed Seb would be in the morning.

“Of course I want to talk to you, love. I just don’t necessarily want to have phone sex with you while you’re in public… you’re at a party, meant to be having fun, so go have some fun. If you want to call me later when you get back to your hotel, I promise I will answer.”

“Okay,” he said softly, and you could hear the endearment in his voice even through his inebriated state.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Y/N.”

It was the day after the Oscar photos released, and after Sebastian was already in Atlanta doing reshoots for the TV show, that another round of bad luck plagued the two of you. An anonymous source had taken a short video of Sebastian at that after-party, wasted and talking on the phone to you. The video didn’t reveal much except for the part where he was asking you what you were wearing. Thankfully, it had cut off before he had mentioned your name. Along with the video, the source gave an account describing the conversation as being obvious he was talking to a girlfriend. The person also noted that he had mentioned spending hours in the woman’s bed.

You internally groaned as you read it, unable to let out a noise of frustration because you were at work. You sent a quick text to Seb, asking if he had seen it yet.

Seb: Fuck, I’m sorry. I barely even remember calling you that night.

You: Hey, it’s okay. So people suspect you have a girlfriend, that’s nothing new. They thought that even when you were pathetically single ;)

Seb: Ouch, way to kick me when I’m down. I’m just glad you’re not too upset over it.

You: Everything will be fine. The anonymous source clearly didn’t overhear you saying my name, so nothing more is going to come of it. Don’t stress too much.

Seb: I don’t deserve you

You: False

Seb: What’s one thing you’ve never done but have always wanted to do?

You: Hmm, I’m not sure. I’ll have to think on that.

Seb: You’ve got a week and a half to decide. Whatever it is, we’re doing it as soon as I get back to New York.

That’s how you ended up hovering over Hudson Valley in a hot air balloon with Sebastian’s arm wrapped around your waste. More open fields and farmlands stretched below you than you had ever gotten to see while keeping to the city. You rarely ventured out to the rural parts of the state, and you thought this was by far the most breathtaking way to experience it. The sun was just coming up, as the early morning was the most regular time for flights.

As you stood together at two thousand feet in the air, practically walking across the sky at a glacial pace, Sebastian glanced down at you and when he saw the clear delight on your face, he brought his hand to your chin and leaned down to kiss you tenderly. “There’s something I wanted to tell you,” he said, and his breath tickled your lips because your mouths were still practically pushed together.

“What is it?” you whispered as you pulled away only slightly in order to properly look into his eyes.

“I turned down that film I was telling you about. I thought about it a lot, and it really was not something I wanted to spend my time doing.”

The arms you had hooked under his and wrapped around holding his shoulder blades squeezed a bit tighter to show comfort and contentment. “That’s good, Seb. I’m glad you had the courage to say no.”

“There’s more…”

You quirked an eyebrow in question.

“I’m staying in New York for most of the summer. After filming for Beat the Reaper is over, I’ll be on an actual break… like a two and a half month vacation. Can you believe it?”

“Wow, honestly I can’t. That’s insane… but incredible. Are you sure… you sure you’re okay with this? It wasn’t something you felt like I was pressuring you to do?”

He kissed your forehead, then the tip of your nose, then the cupid’s bow of your top lip. “It will be a bit of an adjustment having so much extra time on my hands, but I want to do it. I haven’t had this long of a break in so many years, and more than that, I want to start spending real time with you. I want to build an overflow of moments spent in your arms that I can cherish. It’s kind of hard to do that when we’re always apart. And I want to go into my next project in autumn with a clear head and a fresh passion for acting.”

This was that greatness you knew had been waiting at the heart of the thing. Everything wouldn’t be perfect forever, but it would still be incredible and completely worth the commitment you had made to each other. Every look that he gave you, pools of steel-blue swimming with a hundred different emotions and all of them brimming at the surface just for you. Every time that his beautiful hands came up with any excuse to touch your arms or your legs or your hips or your face. Every moment spent in such close proximity that it seemed as if each breath you exhaled he took in and vice versa. All of it was the priceless reward for the effort put into working through the disagreements and better understanding each other.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're all still enjoying this story. I'm still loving writing it! Please leave a comment and let me know what you think :)

Sebastian was nervous. As he tried carefully stuffing the Portobello mushrooms with olives, feta, spinach, and tomatoes, his hands slightly shook, and he cursed himself for getting so worked up over this. It was only Y/N, the woman who seemed to love him unconditionally despite him being a real pain in the ass most of the time. He knew she wouldn’t judge him, but it was the first time she was seeing his place, and he really wanted to impress her.

The cloves of garlic were sizzling in a skillet, and he hurried over to the blender to finish pureeing the eggplant dip. Sebastian wasn’t a professional chef by any means, but he knew his way around the kitchen thanks to his mother. He just hoped this multi-course Mediterranean meal would be good enough to earn him some brownie points with his girlfriend.

As he was placing the tray of mushrooms into the oven, his doorbell rang. Sebastian’s heart immediately sped up as he went to answer it. She was standing there in a flowy knee-length dress covered in a floral pattern; it was a barely warm enough day in April to be able to wear such a thing. Her left hand was clutching an overnight bag, and her right hand was wrapped around Grey Wind’s leash. The pup wagged his tail and barked excitedly as soon as he saw Sebastian.

He quickly pulled her into his arms and gave her a thorough welcoming kiss before taking her bag. “Hey baby, come in. Dinner should be done soon. I’m just gonna toss your bag in my bedroom.”

When he reemerged from his room, he found Y/N already in the kitchen eyeing the bottle of white wine that was sitting on the counter. He walked over to one of his shelves and grabbed two glasses. He held up the bottle and raised one eyebrow in her direction. “I’m guessing you’d like some of this?”

“Yes, please,” she answered with a grin. As he poured, she continued looking around the room, studying his subtle décor. “I really like your place, Seb. It’s lovely.”

He wasn’t sure why, but this compliment made him blush a little. Maybe it was because when he bought the place he refused to hire decorators. He spent far more time than he would ever admit contemplating the furniture and accents of each room. He’d done it all on his own… maybe with a tiny bit of help from his mother. It was always nice to hear someone compliment that work he had put in.

“Thank you,” he told her right before the kitchen timer went off. He carefully removed the mushrooms and started plating them alongside the eggplant dip topped with sizzled garlic.

He heard her let out a little groan from behind him. “Oh my god, that smells and looks amazing. You’re the best for doing all this.”

“It was no trouble,” he turned to her and placed a light kiss to her temple. “As I’ve said before, I just really like making you feel special.”

“And you always do, even when we’re doing nothing at all.”

Y/N carried their refilled glasses of wine and Sebastian carried the plates as they migrated to his small dining room. He had already placed some candles on the table earlier that day, and as they sat down, he lit them, going for the full cheesy romantic dinner vibe.

After taking her first bite of the meal and letting out another pleased groan that had Sebastian’s pants feeling tighter, Y/N asked him if he was excited for his first day back to filming Beat the Reaper here in New York.

“Definitely. It’s going to be so nice to come back to my own home at the end of a long shoot. Plus, I enjoy filming on location much more than on a sound stage.”

She asked him some more questions about the movie, like where exactly in the city they would be filming and how long his days would be. In turn, he asked her how things were going at the library, if the children were still enjoying the astronomy stuff or if they had gotten bored of it already.

“You know, I think it’s going to be a permanent hit. Who knew stars were so fascinating to nine-year-olds?”

“I mean… speaking from personal experience, I’ve been a space nerd since I was five.”

“Yeah, but that’s you, Seb,” she said with a smirk.

He playfully scoffed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“That you’re the dorkiest man I’ve ever met?”

He reached forward quickly and tickled her side. She erupted into a beautiful fit of giggles and tried to squirm away from him.

They finished eating and took down a third glass of wine each before Sebastian carried the dirty dishes to the kitchen to clean up. Y/N followed him, offering to help with the tidying. “No, no, no. Go sit back down, it won’t take me very long,” he told her.

“Seb, come on, let me help. It’s not a big deal.”

“Nope,” he said as he turned the tap on at the sink. She clearly wasn’t planning on listening to him though because she started searching for containers to put the leftovers in. When she picked up a towel and began wiping down the counter, Sebastian had had enough. He walked over to her and picked her up in his arms in a flash, her legs automatically wrapping around his hips. “If you don’t put that towel down, I’m going to be very upset.”

He sat her down on the counter and remained standing between her legs. The way she was looking at him now made Sebastian suspect that the kitchen wouldn’t be getting cleaned at all. In fact, it was probably about to get much dirtier. She ran her hands up the length of his torso once before hastily unbuttoning his shirt and placing hot kisses along his collarbone. Hardly any time had passed before he was pulling his own pants down and hiking up her pretty dress. They never even made it to the bedroom, and Sebastian didn’t think he’d ever be able to look at his kitchen counter the same way again.

After their heated distraction, Sebastian did eventually get the kitchen cleaned up. Now they were lounging on his couch, Y/N once again with her head in his lap next to Grey Wind. He had hopes of getting to the end of season one of Westworld, and so every time her eyelids fell heavily shut, Sebastian would poke her cheek to wake her back up. “Your couch is just so comfy,” she kept mumbling. “… and your lap is even comfier,” she would add with a little sigh.

And she had a good point, his couch was rather comfy. After a few passionate ramblings on his part about the intricacies of artificial intelligence and its ethical implications, he was nodding off as well. When he startled awake, it was clearly hours later because the TV had turned itself off. He quietly woke Grey Wind and told him to get down before he slowly began the process of trying to pick Y/N up and carry her to his bed without waking her. He’d only managed to stand up with her cradled in his arms before her eyes fluttered open. “Mmm Seb?”

“Yeah, just taking you to bed, baby.”

“I love you,” she whispered before falling right back into a peaceful slumber.

He was awake before her the next morning, so he decided to take a quick shower. He pulled his underwear off and stepped through the fancy glass door. He hummed a song that was stuck in his head as he rinsed his body. Before he knew it, he had forgotten that Y/N was in the other room still sleeping, and he started belting out some of the lyrics. “Celebrate every day like a birthdaaay! Good things come to those that wait up!” he sang as he lathered up the shampoo in his hair. After he’d finished his full rendition of one of his favorite songs, he heard cackling outside the bathroom door.

“Oh Sebastian, I am so glad you’re an actor rather than a singer,” she called out through the door.

“Already in an ornery mood this morning, I see,” he yelled back.

“It’s my natural state. Know of any good places that sell some amazing crepes? I’ve got a craving.”

“I know a place, yeah. I’ll be out in just a moment, and we can get around and go.”

God, Sebastian hoped that nobody recognized him while they were out. The crepes place was only a block away, but Sebastian still wore a ball cap low over his face and a pair of sunglasses. They were both in casual jeans and tees as to not draw so much attention to themselves.

He knew that Y/N didn’t want to go public with their relationship yet, and he one hundred percent agreed with her after they had discussed it more. He was sure, though, that any woman he was spotted next to in public would be assumed as his mysterious girlfriend, and he was going to be really annoyed if they were outed over a casual breakfast.

“You don’t think anybody will forget about that video very soon?” she asked him after swallowing a mouth full of berry stuffed crepes.

“Probably not,” he told her pessimistically.

“The subway video didn’t seem to last very long.”

“Yeah, but there was no actual evidence in that of us even knowing each other. The after-party video is different. It’s very clear that I do in fact have a love interest. Nobody’s gonna let that go until they figure out who it is.”

“Ugh, you’re probably right. I’m sorry, Seb. I wish I felt ready to just post a pic together on Instagram or something and get it over with, but I’m still not there yet.”

He placed his hand over hers on the table. “I know. I’m not there yet either. It’s okay, we’ll just lay low for a while.”

It started raining as Sebastian was paying the bill. He offered to call a private car, but Y/N insisted they just run back since it wasn’t very far. They were drenched within seconds of being out on the sidewalk, and the woman only seemed to find it absolutely hilarious. “I’ll race you!” she called out before taking off, her dripping hair flying out behind her as she darted down the street. Sebastian caught up with her easily considering his legs were far longer than hers were. When he caught the determined look she wore on her face, obviously motivated to beat him, he couldn’t help but laugh as well.

She was stunning like this, unconcerned about the rain ruining her makeup or hair. Her mascara was bleeding onto her eyelids and the areas beneath her eyes, almost giving her that Winter Soldier look, and Sebastian found it absolutely adorable. Her tennis shoes made wet squelching noises with each stride she took, and when she spotted a large puddle, she’d jump right into it.

He tried to think back to the last time he had felt this free and spontaneous: it only seemed to be the case when he was with her. Sebastian was starting to realize that living in the moment didn’t mean fitting as many things into your life as you possibly could, but rather making the most of the little things and having a blast even while doing absolutely nothing. He was sure there would be moments this summer where he’d be bored out of his mind, but he would take it in stride and learn to love the peace and quiet for a change.

They made it back to his apartment with water pooling at their feet. “Looks like I’m gonna need another shower,” he noted.

“I’ll join you,” was all she said.

And then it was happening all over again. They were in the bathroom, peeling sopping wet clothes off each other in the most seductive way possible. When Sebastian started the tap, the steam from the scalding water only added to the foggy allure. Soon they were standing under the boiling spray together, erasing their chills from the rain, and then Sebastian was pushing her up against the tiled wall and sliding down her body in order to get her to make each one of those noises he loved hearing oh so much. She was a goddess standing before him, and he was on his knees worshipping her.

“You know, we still haven’t managed to christen your bed yet,” she said when they were getting dressed in fresh clothes.

“We’ll get there eventually,” he assured her.

She walked over to the window in his bedroom and stared out at the loud pattering rain. “This weather makes me want to build a blanket fort.”

Sebastian made a very confused face. “A blanket fort?”

“You never did that as a kid? It was always on stormy days when we weren’t allowed to play outside that Tyler and I would build one. We’d gather up every pillow and blanket in the house and congregate in front of the living room TV. We’d use the couch and the dining room chairs to hold everything up. It was like creating our own little world, and then we’d watch movies in our fort for hours before our mother finally made us take it down.”

He wrapped his arms around her from behind. “That sounds really nice. Since I was an only child, I never really thought to do things like that growing up.”

“Lucky for you, you have a girlfriend who’s still a child at heart.” She grabbed his hand and pulled him toward his living room. “Come on, we’re making a blanket fort and then we’re gonna watch each of our favorite movies.”

That was how he ended up surrounded by every blanket he owned and laying on a bed of pillows in his living room floor. Jersey Boys was currently playing on the TV, and Y/N was snuggled into his side with Grey Wind on the opposite side of her. He pulled out his phone and snapped a photo of the side of the fort and TV in front of them before deciding on a whim to post it to Insta with the caption “First time ever making a blanket fort: what an enlightening experience!”

Of course, all the comments were filled with things like “bet he did that with his girlfriend” and flat out demands that he just tell his fans who she is already. Sebastian ignored them, opting to shut his phone off and enjoy the rest of the weekend with Y/N before they both had to get back to work on Monday.

When Monday did arrive, Sebastian was still glowing from how well the last few days had gone. At about ten in the morning, he received a text from Chris Evans saying he was in town and wanted to grab lunch. Sebastian told him he had time for a quick bite in between shooting. They met at a pizza place, and of course, because Chris has such a recognizable face in any country, they were immediately spotted by fans trying to get a selfie or a signature with them. They took it in stride and agreed to a few photos before attempting to eat their pizza in peace.

“So, I saw the video from the Oscar’s after-party… What was that all about?”

Sebastian immediately covered his face with his hand in embarrassment. He swore to himself he was never getting drunk in public again. “I suppose I drank one too many vodkas. Made a fool of myself.”

“Hey man, I’ve done that more times than I can count. Don’t beat yourself up over it.”

“I just wish they hadn’t caught me on that phone call…”

There was a brief silence as they both chewed on their large slices of pepperoni.

“Is there any truth to the rumors? Were you talking to a girlfriend?”

Sebastian glanced around to make sure there were no lingering fans before he nodded his head in affirmation.

Chris face lit up in a bright smile. “That’s great Seb! Who is she?”

When Sebastian answered, his voice was much quieter in an effort to protect his privacy. “She’s not in the business. Just a regular woman. Lives here in NYC. Works at the public library.”

“How long have you been together?”

“We’ve been talking since October, but we only started dating in February. She’s actually… uhh, did you ever see that video of me and the woman yelling on the subway?”

Chris looked puzzled. “I did, yeah… why?” And then understanding dawned on his face. “That’s her?”

Sebastian laughed, both at Chris’ reaction and at the memory of that insane and hilarious day. “Yeah, that’s how we met.”

“Wow, that’s uh… a crazy story to tell the kids.”

Sebastian nearly choked on his pizza at the mention of children. “Enough about me. You seem pretty smitten yourself these days,” he said in an effort to change the subject.

“Absolutely. My girl is pretty great.”

“Living together going well?”

“Yeah, everything seems so easy with her. It’s really nice.”

“Got any upcoming projects?”

Chris shrugged. “Eh, I’ve been handed a few scripts to read, but I dunno that I’ll take any of them. Kind of just enjoying life right now.”

“That’s about where I’m at too, man. I’m taking the summer off.”

Before Chris could respond, Sebastian’s phone lit up on the table with a text from Y/N.

Y/N: Have you looked at Insta lately? Mysterious girlfriend situation has gotten worse…

Seb: What do you mean?

Y/N: In that pic you posted of the fort and Jersey Boys playing on the TV

Y/N: You can sort of see our reflections in the TV if you zoom in

Y/N: I’m still not identifiable, but fans are going crazy.

“Oh, for the love of fuck,” Sebastian said under his breath as he read the messages sent in quick succession.

“Trouble in paradise?” Chris asked, looking genuinely concerned for his friend.

“No, paradise is still paradise… It’s everything outside of paradise that’s the problem.”


	13. Chapter 13

One new thing you were learning about Sebastian in the month of June was that he liked to spring important things on you at the last minute.

“I’m freaking out over her, Clarke,” you practically shouted into your phone.

“Y/N, just sit down for a second and take a few deep breaths.”

You barely acknowledged your brother-in-law had said anything. “I mean, meeting his mother is one thing. I’ve been stressing enough over that for the past few weeks since he brought it up. But now, he tells me about this party the day before it’s happening, and I’m supposed to be mentally prepared enough to go meet all of his friends and then turn around and meet his mother the very next day.”

“That is rather overwhelming, but you can do it, darling.”

“I don’t think I can,” you finally flopped down on your bed, still in nothing but your bra and underwear.

“I know you can. Want to know how I know that?”

“How do you know that?”

“Because you love that man so much that you will do anything to make him happy. Yes, friends and family first meetings are always stressful. Don’t you remember what it was like for me to meet you and Tyler’s wicked mother for the first time? But think of it this way: doing it all in one weekend is like ripping the bandaid off quick. You’re getting it over with, and then you’ll never have to worry about it again.”

“Unless they hate me. And then I’ll have to worry about it always,” you pouted.

“Since when are you such a pessimist?”

“Since my boyfriend is stressing me out right now!”

“Y/N, take a deep breath, close your eyes for a moment, and listen to me. You’re gonna wear that dress I told you to for the party tonight. Tomorrow, you’re gonna wear the long-sleeved shirt and pants I suggested for the lunch with his mother. You’re gonna be cool and friendly to his friends. You’re gonna be polite and charming to his mother. They’re all going to love you, and then you and Sebastian will live happily ever after.”

You let out the giant breath you were holding. “Okay, like ripping off a bandaid. I can do this.”

“Oh, one more thing.”

“Yeah?”

“Tyler said to tell you that if you keep a boyfriend a secret from him this long ever again, he’s going to disown you.”

“Ugh, he’s still mad about that? He knows I had good reason.”

“Please, all Tyler knows is that he’s your older brother and thinks he has to protect you from every little thing in the world.”

“Well, tell him he shouldn’t have to worry about any other secret boyfriends. I think I’ve got myself a keeper.”

Clarke chuckled at your cheesy joke before saying he had to get off. You hung up your phone and looked back at the dress draped over your dresser. It was a butterfly print maxi dress. The base color of the multi-layered sheer fabric was beige, and then pastel purple and blue butterfly patterns were soaring across the length of the dress. The shoulder straps were quite wide, and there was just enough of a dip in the neckline to show a bit of cleavage. It was perfect for an early summer house party. You only hoped Sebastian would like the way you looked in it… and that his friends would think you were good enough for him.

There was this whole other level of worry when meeting both his friends and his mother. What if they thought you were just using him for his money or fame? What if they suspected you of being fake, no matter how honest you tried to be? What if they told Sebastian to push you away, like he had wanted to do in the beginning when he thought you were playing games with him? What if they couldn’t see that the connection shared between the two of you was the most real thing in the world? And what if Sebastian let them change his mind about you?

It was all agonizing to think about.

A roar of celebratory laughter and cheers alongside loud music flooded out when Sebastian opened his front door.

“Ah, the guest of honor,” he said with a grin before pulling you in for a heated kiss. You could taste the liquor on his tongue.

This would be another first for you: being around a drunk Seb. Sure, you had drunk wine together and gotten a tiny bit tipsy. And of course, there were the times he would call you from far away while drunk. But never had you partied together before. This was a brand new experience.

As he pulled you through the foyer and into his living room, you noticed several people snapping photos with their cellphones. You eyed them nervously.

“Don’t worry,” he said quietly into your ear, “I already warned them to triple check any pics to make sure you aren’t in them before they post.”

“Oh, um, thank you, Seb.”

“Everyone,” he announced loudly to the group, “this is my girlfriend Y/N.”

They all came up to you individually, shaking your hand and saying how nice it was to meet you. You barely remembered half of their names; names and faces were one of the things you had always been bad at. You easily recognized Paul Walter Hauser, though. You had watched I, Tonya when it first came out, after all. Another standout face was Will Malnati whom Sebastian seemed to be very close with and whom you remembered seeing a few times on Seb’s Insta videos.

They all seemed so nice…. and normal. Which, it really shouldn’t have come as so much of a shock to you considering how normal Sebastian always seemed when you were with him. Sure, they probably all had loads more money than you did, but they drank the same poison and made the same ridiculous jokes while wasted. They listened to the same music, and had the same embarrassing dancing skills that you possessed. They teased Seb about the grey patches in his beard, just the same as you.

These were his people, and they seemed more than willing to pull you into the fold. There weren’t any qualms about whether or not you were deserving enough to be here. Sebastian had a high opinion of you, and so his friends clearly trusted it.

Meeting his mother was a different, but not necessarily less pleasant, experience.

Georgeta was a confident woman, a bubbly one. Her light blond hair framed her face sharply, making all of her features appear slightly pointed. But this did not make her seem unapproachable. She gave you a genuine smile when Sebastian led her into his dining room where you were waiting with lunch already on the table. Any time she asked you a question about yourself, she seemed honestly interested in the answer, and not just for the sake of vetting her son’s new girlfriend. She was the type of person that made you feel special and important and worthy.

She was clearly very proud of Sebastian for the man he had become, but she wasn’t the sort of mother to smother her darling boy and villainize any woman who so much as looked at him. You wouldn’t say she was instantly your best friend, but she seemed open to this new chapter of her son’s life, and the way she was watching you and Sebastian together made you think that she was tired of seeing him alone.

You had to agree with that sentiment: Sebastian Stan had spent enough time alone. He deserved to be comfortably happy and showered with love.

“You,” he pecked your lips, “are,” a kiss on the jaw, “absolutely,” one just below your ear, “incredible.” He punctuated the statement with a loving touch of his lips to the top of your chest.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” you said coyly.

“My friends and my mother completely love you. Not that it was a test of any sort… but you passed. You handled it all with such confidence.” He was kissing along the neckline of your shirt now.

“Are you kidding me? I had five meltdowns in the span of two days.”

He stopped in the path he was creating with his lips and pulled away for a second. “You did?”

You nodded your head.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I had no idea you were that stressed over it.”

“Because I didn’t want you to cancel all the plans. I’m glad that it’s over with now. I just had a bit of anxiety over it beforehand.” The concerned furrow in his brow didn’t disappear. “Seb, I’m fine. Honest.”

“You’re sure?”

You threw your arms up in the air exasperatedly. “Yes! I am one hundred percent sure.”

He raised one eyebrow at you, still only half-convinced.

A new tactic crossed your mind, and you got a determined look on your face. “Bedroom. Now.”

He was baffled. “Sorry, what?”

“If you don’t believe I’m fine, then I guess I’m just gonna have to show you how fine I really am.” You had already started walking toward his room.

He was still stood motionless in surprise at your bossiness.

“You coming?” was the last thing you said before disappearing behind the doorway.

Sure enough, he was meeting you on the bed rather quickly after those bold words. You pushed him down into the mattress, his wrists held firmly down with your smaller hands. The face he was making was something like a confused yet aroused trance.

As you straddled his hips, you let his wrists go and suddenly ripped open the buttons of his shirt, ruining the seams.

He audibly gulped then said, “Um, this is new…”

You bit your lip as you grinned down at him. “Like it?”

His normally light-colored eyes were so incredibly dark with lust. “Very much so.”

And then you went to work proving how fine you were and how deserving of love your man truly was.


	14. Chapter 14

Sebastian carefully laced the fingers of his left hand into her right. His phone was cradled in his other hand, held up in front of both of their faces. “Ready?” he asked, wanting confirmation from Y/N just one more time.

“Ready,” she confirmed.

He hit the post button with his finger. An image of the two of them together, dressed to the nines in the back of a private car, smiling wide, was now being shared with the rest of the world.

After things went smoothly with Y/N meeting the people most important to him, they began to have more frequent discussions about finally announcing their relationship to the public. They wanted to be able to go out to dinner or the shop together without having to look over their shoulders. Of course, there was a whole other level of stress that would surely come once his fans finally knew, but it was better to go into it on their own terms than to be found out by accident.

As the beginning of the summer flew by, it began to feel like they were in a sort of purgatory, just waiting for the floodgates to open when their relationship was finally revealed. Sebastian remembers the night he awoke to his girlfriend sitting up and sobbing on the other side of her bed because of this worry. It had been a weekday, but he had needed to see her as soon as she got off work. They’d spent the evening together and then went to bed in each other’s arms.

He glanced at his phone to see that it was two in the morning. He sat up and wrapped his arms securely around her. “Baby, what’s wrong?” he whispered into her hair as she continued to cry.

“I just had a nightmare… got me a little stressed out is all.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

She was silent for a long time, tears still streaming down her face. He reached his hand up to wipe them away, and she leaned into his palm, clearly comforted by his skin against her face. “I feel like a hypocrite,” she confessed.

“What makes you say that?”

“I dug my heels in so firmly about us keeping our relationship a secret, and at the time that did feel like the right thing to do, but now I just hate that we’re hiding. Is it ridiculous of me to say that I want us to be public about our relationship now?”

“Of course not. And it doesn’t make you a hypocrite. You were right to suggest keeping it a secret way back in March, but it’s July now, so it makes perfect sense that how you feel about the matter has changed. And I agree with you: I think it’s time we made some sort of announcement.”

He finally soothed her enough to stop the tears, and then they lay back down together, Sebastian spooning her with his arm wrapped around her stomach tightly. “What about the premiere later this month?” he asked her softly before they fell asleep once more.

She didn’t even think about it before she agreed. “That’ll be fine. I’ll ask off work for it tomorrow.”

The premier he had been referring to was for The Devil All the Time. Sebastian had flown out to LA a few days early for press coverage for the movie. He spent two long days in interview studios with Bill Skarsgard, Tom Holland, and Robert Pattinson. It felt nice to reunite with the cast whom he hadn’t seen since filming wrapped at the beginning of the previous year. Tom was just as much of a friendly smartass as ever, making sure to through a few jabs Sebastian’s way and even bringing up Mackie on a few occasions. He supposed Anthony deserved it considering how much he trashed-talked Tom in any interview he ever did.

Y/N arrived in LA the night before the premiere, and Sebastian arranged for a security team to transport her from the airport and sneak her into his hotel without arising suspicion from any of the other guests. When she got to his room, he was waiting there with his stylists and a rack of dresses for her to try out. He felt a little bad that he was asking them to style his girlfriend’s outfit and look so last minute, but they seemed more than happy to do it, congratulating Sebastian on his new relationship.

After trying every single dress on, the women finally decided on a Calvin Klein number in the shade of ruby red. It had silver straps, and a narrow slit dipped dangerously low between her breasts. The waist was cinched and the skirt flared out. It looked incredible on her, and Sebastian couldn’t wait to walk down the red carpet with this goddess on his arm.

She looked through dozens of photos that his stylists were suggesting for hairstyles before they eventually settled on one. When they were finally alone together, she hugged him fiercely, clutching onto the fabric covering his back. It was growing harder and harder for them to ever be apart, and the few days that he had been in LA without her had clearly taken their toll.

They ordered room service, two greasy burgers complete with fries and onion rings, and then they watched reruns of Friends late into the night while cuddled together on the large hotel bed. He could tell she was nervous. She didn’t talk much but seemed to be unwilling to let him go, her hand either clasped in his or caressing some other part of his body. He especially enjoyed it when she ran her fingers slowly over his head, raking her nails against his scalp every so often. His love for how she played with his hair was Sebastian’s last thought as he drifted off to sleep.

The next morning the stylists were back and busy as ever. They rushed around in a panic as they attempted to get both Sebastian and Y/N looking their absolute best. Sebastian trimmed his facial hair rather short, and then his hair was easily styled with the front pushed back a bit. It was longer now than it had been last year, but he didn’t think he would ever grow it out to Winter Soldier length again.

His poor girlfriend was under a curling iron and makeup brushes for hours, and she looked completely miserable. He made sure to order her favorite food for lunch, and he tried his best to entertain her as her hair was yanked at and her eyelids were painted and poked.

Twenty minutes before his security team was set to arrive, the stylists left, and Sebastian and Y/N had a short moment alone. Her breathing was growing erratic, and he could tell that her face was growing pale, even under all that makeup. He took both of her hands in his.

“Baby, look at me. It’s going to be fine.”

“Sebastian, I’m not… I wasn’t made for this. I’m just a normal woman that works in a library. How did I end up in this dress in your hotel room about to walk down a red carpet?”

“Hey, I completely understand. It’s all rather overwhelming. It gets to me all the time too, or have you forgotten about all the phone calls I’ve made to you sounding an absolute wreck because of my anxiety. You’re not alone.”

“Then how come you don’t seem nervous at all right now? Aren’t you scared that they’re going to verbally slaughter us on that carpet with the questions and the prodding?”

He squeezed her hands. “I am nervous… I’m just trying to put on a brave face for you.”

She kissed his lips lovingly. “You’re too sweet for me.”

He scoffed playfully. “Please, you’re sweeter than pure cane sugar. I’m more grumpy than anything.”

“You’re not grumpy, not since I’ve known you anyway…”

He kissed the tip of her nose. “You bring out the better side of me.”

“I think you should make a post on Instagram before we arrive on the carpet. That way you can control the narrative. Write exactly what you want them to know in the caption.”

“That’s a good idea. We’ll do it just before, and then turn our phones off for the rest of the night, yeah?”

“Perfect.”

And so here they were now, in the back of that car, having just snapped the perfect photo. Sebastian’s arm had been wrapped around her, their faces pressed cheek-to-cheek intimately as they smiled at the camera. It was undeniable as Sebastian looked at it that they were together, and those crinkles in his eyes made it clear that he was the happiest he had ever been. He hoped his fans would see the same. He made the large step of finally following her account on Instagram, and then he tagged her in the photograph. In the caption he wrote, “About to step out on the red carpet at the Devil All the Time premier with my wonderful girlfriend of five months, Y/N. We have nothing but love for each other, and we hope that the public will show nothing but love and support for us as well as respecting our privacy.” He posted it, and then they both shut off their phones.

The first question out of every interviewer’s mouth was “who is the beautiful woman on your arm tonight, Sebastian.” He, of course, had to agree that she was stunning, and then he gave them the short answer that they had been dating for five months. Some of the more prying questions they received were about where Y/N lived or where she worked. A few people recognized her from the subway video and tried to ask about that, but Sebastian was on the top of his game, hastily redirecting the line of questioning back to the movie they were here to see.

When he introduced her to his costars and the director and producer of the film, they all had nothing but kind words and congratulations to say to the couple.

Tom Holland, of course, had to get in a good joke.

“I knew it!” he had the guts to say with a cheesy grin.

“What are you talking about?” Sebastian asked him with an incredulous look.

“I knew you must be in love because you’re never that chipper on press days. You were an absolute delight the other day as opposed to your usual grumpy self.”

Y/N let out an adorable giggle, clearly thinking back to when Sebastian had called himself grumpy earlier in the hotel room.

“Wow, thanks for that slap in the face, Tom. As always, it’s a real pleasure talking with you,” Sebastian said sarcastically. 

“Oh, you know I’m only joking.”

Y/N loved the movie. At least, she claimed to, but Sebastian suspected that she might be a little biased. He was rather proud of how it turned out, though. It had been a project he wasn’t originally supposed to be a part of. The role had belonged to Chris Evans’, but when Chris’s schedule conflicted with filming, they had called Sebastian for the role instead.

Now, the movie held an entirely different significance to him. He would always remember it as Y/N’s first premier, and the memory would be a perfectly blissful one. He could see the stress falling off of her with each positive interaction she had with the other guests here. Her confidence was growing, and he thought she might soon be more of a pro at this than he was.

The after-party was light-hearted and jovial. Y/N made sure not to let Sebastian get his hands on too much alcohol, and he felt himself feeling rather lucky to have a woman who cared about him so dearly as to not let him make yet another fool of himself in public.

This time, when he said “I love you, Y/N” at an after-party, he was nearly sober, and it really didn’t matter if someone filmed it and sold it to a gossip column.

She gave him a knowing look and said, “I love you too” before kissing him lightly on the lips. Their first official public display of affection.

In the morning, they would see what the internet had to say about their union, but for now, they would celebrate and live in the moment.


	15. Chapter 15

The first thing that crossed your sleep-addled brain before your eyes had even fluttered open was that that had been the best night’s rest you had ever gotten in a hotel bed. It could have been from the champagne, calming you into a dreamless slumber. It could have been that this hotel room was about two stars higher than the ones you would typically stay in. The most likely reason, your gorgeous boyfriend spread out across the bed like a starfish with his hand draped over your hip. Sebastian brought you peace almost always, and you were growing rather fond of rarely having to sleep alone.

You dozed off again for a while, and when you opened your eyes much later, Sebastian was sitting up against the headboard, phone in hand, and a serious frown on his lips.

“Seeeb,” you whined, “I thought we were going to wait and do it together.

“I wanted to let you sleep in… and I was bored, so I turned on my phone.”

You sat up next to him, your arm pressed up against his. “Is it bad?”

He didn’t answer you, subtly turning his screen out of your line of sight, trying to keep you from seeing the storm that was the internet this morning.

“Seb, come one. Just tell me what they’re saying,” you said with a firm poke to his shoulder.

“Sebandthesubwaygirl is trending,” he replied glumly.

You let out a humorous snort. “It’s actually quite catchy.”

“They’re saying you’re far too vulgar and regular and low class for someone like me.”

“Eh, that’s not so bad,” you said with a shrug. “At least they’re not calling me ugly or a slut.”

He didn’t say anything.

“Wow, I hate your fans,” you told him.

“Some of them have recognized you from the library, so everyone knows where you work now.”

“Okay, that’s pretty bad. Have I mentioned that I hate your fans?”

He gave you a deeply apologetic look, placing a sweet kiss to your forehead. “I know, baby. I’m sorry.”

“Are there any good comments?”

“Well yeah. There are a ton of people saying how beautiful you are and wishing us happiness. A bunch of the articles about the premier last night are calling you my rather charming girlfriend. It’s definitely not all bad.”

“There you go, then. We’ll survive,” you said in a much more chipper voice.

“Just like that, you’re over it?” he asked, clearly in awe that you could brush off the negativity so quickly.

“As long as the whole world isn’t against us, I think it’ll be fine. Your friends and your mother support us. My brother-in-law supports us. I’m sure my parents will be fine with it when I introduce you to them, especially considering how concerned about my biological clock my mother is. Your peers in the industry seem supportive, right? And now we have the support of at least some of your fan base. We’ll get through it, Seb. Skywalkin’ on the haters, right?”

He grinned. “You’re so cheesy.”

You grinned back. “And that’s what makes us perfect for each other.”

He lunged at you quickly, playfully tackling you into the mattress. “I know you’re not insinuating that I’m cheesy.”

“Please, you’re the master of cheese.”

His fingers danced across your ribs, tickling you in all the worst places. You let out a delightful squeal. “Seb, you better stop it before I end up punching you,” you got out between breathless giggles. “You know I have no control over my limbs when I’m being tickled.”

He finally relented and pulled his hands away before lowering his face over yours to place a tender kiss to your lips. You leaned up to meet him, craving the bliss that always came when the two of you met. His mouth caressed yours in a way that spoke a million silent words. He was reassuring you and thanking you and comforting you and appreciating you and needing you and loving you.

He pulled away a few moments later and returned to looking at his phone, the comments of the world still clearly haunting his mind.

“Read me some of the best ones,” you said. It was your opinion that one good comment cancelled out at least ten bad ones, so you would make your boyfriend marinate in the positive in order to forget the negative.

He scrolled for a moment before reading aloud, “Just want to see my baby Seb as happy as can be. This woman clearly does the trick. Better keep her around, Seb.”

“Awe, that’s sweet. Read another one.”

“Of course gorgeous Sebastian Stan would end up with such a gorgeous babe. Couple goals.”

“Ha, I can agree with half of that statement.”

“Me too.”

You smirked. “Probably different halves, right?”

“Probably…”

“Read another.” You reached out and began running your fingers up and down the warm skin of his thigh.

“Seb Stan has a kink for hot librarians. Shook, but also not surprised at all.”

Your face turned red and you collapsed into a fit of laughter. “Is it true? Is the hot librarian thing really what sold you?”

He was blushing a bit too, but he didn’t deny it.

“Seb and his new woman are the type of people you can’t help but smile when you look at and wish all the happiness in the world for them. She seems like a winner, Sebastian. Don’t let her go!”

“Wow, okay, I take it back, I don’t hate your fans. This has given me a much-needed ego boost.”

“Just don’t go reading comments on your own without having me filter out all the bad ones,” he said, half-joking.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m a big girl. I can take a little hate mail, Seb.”

“It’s only that I’m scared of it making you doubt being with me. My fan base is the very large baggage I carry. I don’t want it to push you away.”

“And it won’t. I promise you that. You are so much more to me than an actor with an international fan base. You’re my Sebastian, and I would never give up this perfect little part of you that only I get to see just because a bunch of people who don’t even know you can’t be nice on the internet.

You initiated the kiss this time, returning all those words his lips had said to you previously.

There were a few days in between the premier and the San Diego Comic Con which Sebastian had to attend in order to promote The Falcon and The Winter Soldier coming out next month. Since your mother and father lived very near to San Diego, you had planned ahead of time to visit them before the Con, and you even managed to convince Tyler and Clarke to fly out as well. It was finally Sebastian’s turn to stress over having to meet the family, and you couldn’t help feeling like it was a bit of sweet revenge.

Things were still a little tense with your mother since last Christmas. She had apologized for starting a fight around the holidays and causing the family to be split up, but she still drove you mad every time you answered her phone calls. You hoped that once she saw how happy you were with Sebastian, she might finally stop telling you that you need to get your life together.

“Awe, Grey Wind misses us,” you said to your boyfriend as you showed him the picture that Gretchen had just sent you of your adorable dog. She was dog-sitting for you while you were away.

“I wish you could have brought him. I know how attached you two are to each other.”

You gave him an incredulous look. “How attached we are? You spend more time cuddling with that dog than you do with me any time you’re over at my place.”

“Hey, no need to spew such lies. I give you plenty of cuddles.”

“Sure,” you replied with a smirk. The two of you were in the back of a roomy car enduring the two-hour drive to your mother’s house from LA.

“So, give me the prep info. Who’s going to be the hardest to impress?”

“Ugh, that’s a toss-up between my mother and my brother. My father is really easy going. He’ll love you. My brother-in-law might smack you for thinking he was my boyfriend in that photo way back in December, but he’ll love you after that. My mother might just be thrilled that I have a chance of not dying alone now, or she might think that despite you being a wildly successful actor, you’re not a suitable match for a husband and father. And then there’s Tyler, who will most certainly give you all the stereotypical protective big brother speeches.”

“I think you’re trying to stress me out even more,” he complained.

“I’m not, honestly. I just want you to know what to expect. I’ll be there to reign them in if they get out of hand, I promise.”

He kissed your lips and whispered, “Thank you, baby” against them.

“My little sister at a huge Hollywood movie premier, I really can’t believe it.”

“I have a little trouble believing this is my life now too sometimes,” you told Tyler as the two of you sat together on the second floor terrace of your mother’s house.

“You looked really beautiful though, Y/N,” he said, “even if I’m still not very fond of the guy that was on your arm.”

“And as I’ve told you a hundred times now, Sebastian hasn’t given you any reason to make you not very fond of him, so you’re being ridiculous.”

“I’m not an idiot, sis. I pieced together the fact that he was the guy who ghosted you over Christmas and New Year’s.”

A frown formed on your face. “Oh, well he had his reasons, and I gave him hell for it… but eventually we talked it out, he made his apologies, and I decided to forgive him. You should respect my decision, Ty.”

“He just better not do it again because I won’t care how many private security personnel I have to go through in order to beat his ass.”

“Oh, get over yourself, Mr. Macho. That won’t be necessary.”

It turned out that your mother absolutely adored Sebastian. She even brought up engagement rings multiple times to your great embarrassment. You knew for a fact that if things ever ended between you and the man, your mother would be sure to kill you for letting such a catch slip through your fingers.

The next couple of days were spent having family lunches and dinners over loud conversation. You enjoyed catching up with Clarke, whom you were beginning to resent lived half a country away from you. He thought it was rather funny to make subtle sexual innuendos in any conversation where you and Sebastian were involved. To make matters worse, Seb didn’t seem to understand half of them and just looked on with a perpetually confused face. You found yourself nearly snorting wine out of your nose at half the things Clarke said.

You and Sebastian managed a few moments alone here and there. Your parents’ house was located on a rather large property with a beautiful garden, and it became a favorite morning routine to stroll around with Seb while he sipped on coffee and you sipped on tea. At one point, you’d even ended up in a game of hide and seek with the man. You were thankful that he embraced the childish sides of your personality and wasn’t afraid to be a complete dork right alongside you.

Fortunately, your parents weren’t the old-fashioned sort that insisted on you not sharing a bed, so you and Sebastian got to spend your nights together as well. Sure, you had to keep rather quiet, but you didn’t let that stop you from jumping his bones behind closed doors once the rest of the house had gone to sleep.

“And now, The Falcon and The Winter Soldier themselves: Anthony Mackie and Sebastian Stan!!”

You could hear the absolute screaming madness from the crowd as you sat in a comfy chair backstage, scrolling through Instagram while half-listening to the interview panel. Sebastian hadn’t seemed too nervous for the press today; he was always more relaxed when Anthony was by his side. He could always rely on the man to take over the conversation with confidence if Sebastian was at a loss of what to say, or at least, that’s what he had told you at one point.

“What exactly can you tell us about the plot of the show?” you heard the interviewer ask.

“Not going to get anywhere with that one,” you mumbled under your breath.

“Not much,” Seb answered, proving your point.

They discussed workout routines in prep for the show, stunt training, and the dynamics of the cast. The writers and director answered a few questions about how exactly the show might fit into the plotline created by the films in the universe. Anthony Mackie made some light-hearted jesting comments about Tom Holland unfortunately being back in the MCU.

Soon enough, they were accepting fan questions, and you knew it was only a matter of time before you were brought up by some nosy fangirl.

“What’s your name dear?” the moderator of the panel asked.

“Hi, I’m Hanna. First of all, I just wanted to say that I love you Sebastian.”

There was silence for a moment, and you visibly cringed from your spot behind the stage.

“Thank you,” Seb finally answered.

“My question is what can you tell us about your girlfriend Y/N? Did the two of you really meet in that subway video, or did you know her before that?”

“Okay, no personal questions, please. Let’s keep this about the new show,” the moderator chimed in before Sebastian had to say anything.

“Oh, sorry,” the fan said, and then you heard someone else at the microphone.

It never ceased to amaze you that people had the perfect combination of guts and no shame to ask such prodding questions at a Comic Con.

There was another question that indirectly pertained to you. “Hi, my name’s Amy. I was wondering what made you decide to finally build a pillow fort at the age of thirty-seven?”

You rolled your eyes. They were clearly trying to provoke him into talking about you.

“You’re never too old to feel like a kid every now and then. It was something I had never done before, so a rainy day seemed like the perfect time to give it a shot.”

“Awe, that’s cute,” Anthony chimed in sarcastically. “How come nobody cares what I do with my rainy days?”

The room roared with laughter, and you silently thanked the man for always knowing the perfect thing to say to ease the awkwardness.

Once they were all backstage again, you gave Sebastian a comforting hug because he looked quite exhausted after that ridiculous round of fan questions. Anthony hugged you as well, telling you for the hundredth time since you met him earlier in the day that you were just the type of woman Seb needed. You weren’t sure what he meant, but you took it as a compliment.

“All right, that was the last thing for the day. You ready to head back to the hotel room?” your boyfriend asked as he laced his fingers into yours.

“We’re not going to walk around the main floor at all?” you had hoped to get the full Comic Con experience since this was the first time you’d ever been.

“Babe, surely I don’t have to explain to you why that’s a bad idea,” he replied with a confused furrow in his brow.

“Well, you would be disguised of course. All the celebrities do it.”

“Do they?” Anthony wondered.

“Yup. Of course they do. We’ll just have your assistant go buy us some spare shirts and masks of some sort, and then nobody will be able to recognize you.”

“You’re insane,” Seb said, but he was smiling now.

The assistant happily agreed to do your bidding, purchasing three Star Wars tees and Storm Trooper helmets because Anthony wanted to join the two of you as well. Once dressed in your disguises, you walked out onto the main floor together, and your lips curved into a huge smile when not a soul glanced at the two men standing next to you.

“This feels weird,” Seb noted.

“Poor Sebby isn’t used to not being the center of attention,” Anthony teased him.

You let out a laugh and then instantly spotted some awesome Game of Thrones cosplays that you wanted to get a picture with. “Come on!” you said as you grabbed Seb’s hand and practically ran toward a group of people portraying the entire set of Stark children, complete with stuffed direwolves clutched in their arms. You couldn’t take your helmet off for the photos, but they were still wonderful, and you planned to post it to your Insta page as soon as you got back to your hotel suite that night.

You ended up purchasing all sorts of cool fan-made items, including some very sexy Stucky fan art that you were sure made Sebastian’s face flame bright red when he saw it. You also got a hand-carved keychain of the Westworld maze, and your boyfriend felt the need to remind you that you still hadn’t managed to make it through the rest of season two without falling asleep. It wasn’t your fault that his lap was dangerously comfortable enough to nap on. He groaned every time you bought a new piece of Winter Soldier merch, and you told him if he didn’t keep quiet, you’d decorate your living room with photos of The Falcon. Anthony cheered on this suggestion.

By the time you eventually did return to your shared hotel room, you and Sebastian both collapsed on the bed, side by side, completely worn out from the long day. Your hair was messy and disgusting, covered in sweat from wearing that helmet for so long, and the head of hair right beside you looked much the same. You suggested a shower together, and the only thing that could give Sebastian enough energy to make it to the bathroom was the sight of you stripping your clothes off.


	16. Chapter 16

When he called her from his mother’s house, she responded with “Sorry, babe. I can’t talk right now. I’m right in the middle of the first episode,” as soon as she picked up.

“You do know you can just pause it, right?”

“But then I’ll have to wait to see what happens next.”

“Fine, fine. Sorry I bothered you.”

“I forgive you, Seb. I love you,” she told him before hanging up. He couldn’t help smiling to himself as he thought about the amusing woman with such fondness.

The next time she stayed the night at his house, they fell asleep together, but Sebastian woke up at two in the morning to find her missing from his bed. He got up and walked to the living room only to find her sitting on the couch, remote in hand, and eyes fixed on the TV.

“What are you doing?” He could hear the grogginess in his own voice.

“I’m trying to remember my log in password. I couldn’t sleep until I had finished the episode that I had to pause when you picked me up yesterday.”

He just blinked at her three times very slowly, trying to process this strange turn of events. “Why don’t you just use my account that’s already logged in?”

“Because I was in the middle of episode three, and your account won’t automatically resume at the right spot.”

He let out a long, overdramatic sigh. “Did you try ‘Grey Wind’?”

“Huh?”

“For your password…” He sat down next to her on the couch.

“Oh! That’s probably it. Thanks, Seb!” She planted a quick kiss on his lips.

After finally logging into her Disney Plus account, she clicked the button that said ‘resume episode three of The Falcon and the Winter Soldier.’

“You know, I remember you telling me that you were a casual fan of the MCU. This doesn’t seem very casual…”

“I might have become a bit more invested in the story of Bucky Barnes since February,” she admitted.

“But is the show really that good? Or are you just biased?” he asked her, a tiny bit of his insecurities showing through.

She groaned and paused the episode again. “First of all, you can’t be talking while the show is playing. Second of all, it is absolutely amazing. It’s so nice that you finally had the opportunity to explore Bucky’s character with far more depth. I’ve loved every minute of watching it so far, and I never want it to end.”

He reached his arms around her waist and pulled her into his lap. “Thank you, my love… but I sort of want it to end so that I can have my girlfriend back. I’m starting to get real annoyed with this Bucky Barnes fellow who keeps stealing all of her free time.”

“I hate to break it to you, but Bucky is a very skilled assassin, and you would have no chance against him,” she teased with a smug smile.

He pinched her hip lightly, and she let out a wicked giggle. “You could finish it with me,” she suggested.

“Ooooooorr, I could just tell you how it ends,” he said, trying his best to sound serious.

She sat up rather quickly and narrowed her eyes at him. “Don’t you fucking dare. That’s grounds for a breakup.”

He raised his hands in mock surrender. “All right, all right. We’ll stay up at two in the morning watching the rest of my own show together… that’s a perfectly normal thing to do.”

“Thanks, Seb,” she told him with a sleepy smile before settling back down on his lap. He felt his heart weighing so heavy in his chest, overflowing with the love he had for her. He knew that she would go to any length to show her support for him and his work.

Speaking of work… that was the new issue they had been dealing with since arriving back in New York. Y/N had had to talk to her bosses about the unusual problems that her current relationship created with the public. They had at first waved it off, thinking she was worrying for nothing, but when many of Sebastian’s fans showed up on a daily basis at the library to try to talk to her, Carl and Debra had begun to realize how bad of a situation it actually was.

Sebastian spoke with his publicist who suggested he make a kind but honest request to his fans to please not bother his girlfriend at her place of work. This had seemed to decrease the number of daily visitors, but only slightly. For now, Sebastian had hired security to take her to and from work, and Y/N’s bosses had arranged for her to come and go from a back private entrance. Sadly, she was pretty much confined to her office for most of the days, unable to walk about freely on the main library floor anymore.

He hoped it was a temporary annoyance but worried that if it went on for too long, she would grow resentful toward him. He wished there was more that he could do in order for her to still enjoy her workdays without being bothered by his cumbersome fan base. She took it in stride though, never seeming all that drained by the exhausting nature of it all. He thought she might be using his TV show as a means of escapism, getting lost in the MCU as a way to cope with the immense stress that flooded her real life now.

They did indeed watch the rest of the show, finishing episode six at about seven in the morning. He dragged her back to his bed after it was over, but she still didn’t seem willing to sleep. She kept asking all these questions about how it ended or what it had been like to film certain scenes. Her mind was clearly racing, and Sebastian lay there staring up at the ceiling, listening to her ramblings and wondering how in the world he could convince her to relax.

Then, Sebastian got an idea.

“Take your clothes off and lay on your stomach, baby,” he told her.

“Uh, what?”

“I’m gonna give you a massage. You’ve been so wound up lately because of my fans. I want to help.”

She slowly started to remove her silky pajama top but was still giving him a confused look.

“What? You have a thing against massages?” he asked her as he got up to grab some lotion from the bathroom.

“No… I’ve just never had a boyfriend that offered to give me one before… it’s nice.”

When he returned, lotion in hand, she’d removed everything but her underwear and was laying on her stomach as he had asked.

He straddled the back of her thighs and leaned down to whisper in her ear, “You’re amazing, and you deserve to feel amazing all the time. I try my best to give you that any chance I get.”

He could see the visible chills going down her spine at his words. “You spoil me, Seb. Honestly.”

He applied the lotion all down her spine and began rubbing his fingers into her neck, shoulder blades, and back. It definitely seemed to have the desired effect of relaxing her, but it was doing the opposite to him. Sebastian felt himself getting more and more wound up as he watched her grip the sheets tightly between her fingers and moan into her pillow as he massaged all the right spots. He had grown hard in a matter of moments, and he wondered if she noticed it pressing against the back of her legs as he leaned over her.

He lowered his lips to her ear once again and whispered, “I love you so much” his voice coming out in an unintentionally husky tone.

She let out another little moan. “God, I love you too,” she practically gasped into the pillow. Sebastian had to keep reminding himself this was supposed to be about relaxation, but it was getting damn near impossible to not just rip her underwear off and ravish her.

After massaging her arms and legs as well, he finally climbed off her. “Okay, all finished.”

She rolled over onto her back, giving him a nice view of her breasts. “No, I don’t think you are,” she said with a coy look in her eye.

He raised an eyebrow at her in question. “Did I miss something?”

She reached down and slowly dragged her underwear off her body. “Yup. There’s one part of me you forgot to massage.”

He hastily removed his own underwear and was on top of her once more, this time face to face. “How could I forget?” he asked before capturing her lips with his.

After a three-hour nap, the two of them ended up walking to a bagel place that was thankfully pet-friendly because Grey Wind was currently running circles around Y/N’s ankles as she held on tight to his short leash. With a bag of bagels and different flavors of cream cheese, as well as some cups of iced coffee, the three of them walked to Central Park, enjoying the warm weather. They found a nice spot to sit and eat, but Sebastian only hoped he wouldn’t get a sunburn.

They were approached by a few fans that recognized him, two women that looked to be in their twenties and a young boy that looked around six years old. Sebastian happily agreed to take pictures with them because they were relatively nice and polite. Y/N made friendly conversation with the women, and they wished the couple well before leaving them be.

“Why can’t they all be like that?” she asked him once they were gone.

He shrugged and swallowed his mouth full of bagel before answering, “I don’t know. I’ve been wondering that for a decade now: why some parts of a fandom can be so supportive and loving while others are completely toxic… I don’t think it will ever change.”

“You’re the expert.” She didn’t seem sad about it though. It was more a fact of life now that she would have to live with these sorts of encounters almost daily. He could read it on her face that she was accepting it, accepting the whirlwind and upheaval that had come with dating him. It really didn’t appear to bother her now as much as he had feared it would.

He splayed his hand across her bare thigh just below the hem of her jean shorts. Giving it a loving squeeze, he said, “Thank you.”

They were grinning at each other like sappy fools. Sebastian thought this might be one of those times he wouldn’t mind being randomly photographed. He’d love to have this moment, this look of complete adoration on her face and the one he was surely returning captured forever.

“You’ve really got to stop thanking me when I haven’t even done anything.”

He simply remained silent as he continued to look at her, the bright August sun reflecting off his pearly-white teeth that were on full display.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who read this story. There will be 3 drabbles at some point. I hope you enjoy this final chapter! :)

You slipped back into bed. He was there, waiting for you in his dreams. His head was somehow on your pillow rather than his own, and the fingers of his left hand were stretched across the expanse of sheets, searching for you. There was something so satisfying about watching a loved one sleep. You understood why parents remained gazing long after their child had dozed off during a bedtime story. You likened it to the feeling of wanting to watch Grey Wind twitch his ears and move his paws around in his sleep while he chased squirrels through puppy dreams.

Watching Sebastian sleep though, it was a whole new captivation altogether. Every line of worry that typically etched his face was faded away by the slow rise and fall of his chest, a chest that was chiseled to perfection you might add. The eye crinkles that you loved so much when he grinned or laughed in your presence, well it was somehow just as spectacular to see those fall away. It had been a while since he shaved, and the dark hairs sprinkled with grey were pressed against your pillow that he clung to. His mouth was parted only slightly, just enough for you to notice the soft breaths passing through his lips.

You climbed in as gently as you could, slowly letting your head rest on its side, mere inches in front of his… and you could feel those breaths now, tickling your own lips. If you looked closely enough, you could spot the way his pupils rapidly moved underneath his light eyelids and full lashes. So he was dreaming, then. Sometimes you wished you could join him there as well, in the places his mind took him when it was relaxed enough to run wild and without reason. But on the other hand, no matter how close the two of you got, it was always good to have those little things that were only for oneself.

You could share each other’s dreams in other ways. The ones that were ambitions and goals and lifelong plans, those were the ones that would unite the two of you. You didn’t have to gain access to Seb’s REM cycles to know what his deepest desires were and how he wished for the rest of his life to play out. You didn’t have to meet him in his dreams to know that neither of you ever wanted to spend a single night apart again.

You could tell simply by studying his adorable face nestled into your pillow that the short time you’d been gone for a midnight bathroom trip had been far too long for him. That left hand of his finally found your waist to cling onto, and you let his unconscious body pull you closer to him. Your noses were touching now. For a second, you thought those eyelids might flutter open to reveal the most grey of blues on the other side, but his breathing remained even, and you were sure that in Sebastian’s wakeful state he would never even know you’d been gone.

Anthony Mackie and his wife, Sheletta, were in NYC for a week. You and Sebastian had plans to join them for some fancy dinner that was way too upscale for anything that hung in your closet. Sebastian offered to call in a favor with his stylists again, but you waved him away, telling him you could handle it on your own.

You ended up asking Gretchen to go to a few shops with you the day before the dinner. The friendship between you and her had grown much stronger as of late, you feeling quite thankful and impressed with how supportive and non-nosy she had been about your relationship with Seb. She no longer felt like a work friend but a real friend who you could lean on in times of hardship. As it turned out, she was great with all things fashion, something that you had no skill for and often relied on face-time calls with Clarke to get by.

After multiple stops between clothing stores for Starbucks and cupcake dispensaries, the two of you settled on a cocktail dress together. The pleated skirt reached your knees, and the neckline was a vintage scoop. The entire frame was A-Line, and the color, it was one that Sebastian had mentioned loving on you. He’d told you one day, as you played with the hem of your favorite blouse, that sea-green was your color.

It wasn’t a fiery statement like when you wore red: telling him you needed his body right away. It wasn’t a sleek and professional picture like when you wore black or grey: telling the world you were sophisticated enough to have a famous boyfriend. It wasn’t a playful purple: telling Sebastian that it would forever be okay to remain young and playful at heart. It was an I love you for loving me statement in his favorite shade of green on you: telling him that you were in all things together.

At a quarter till seven on the following night, you and Sebastian were sitting cozily in the back of a private car, chatting about the week you’d had at work. He kept scanning over your body in the dress as you spoke, and the special attention he was paying to your assets had you feeling rather smug. You bit your lip and gave him a longing look, your unimportant sentence trailing off right in the middle. You needed to get to the restaurant soon, or neither of you would look very presentable when you arrived.

Sheletta was just as charming and funny as her husband. The dinner was lighthearted, Seb and Anthony only bringing up work once or twice, trying their best not to let Marvel interfere with such a friendly affair. The other couple talked about their three children adoringly, mentioning that they were staying with their grandparents for the week. Sebastian smiled wide when Anthony showed him recent photos of the kids on his phone. You watched with slight intrigue at how your boyfriend responded to the thought of parenthood.

You knew Sebastian would make a good father, far better than you would be as a mother. You weren’t sure if the two of you would ever take that sort of step together, but you could tell by looking at him now that if it did come to that, his love and support for you would never waver under the stress of one child or five. He was an unmovable rock these days in the way he felt for you. Stubborn as a rock too. Strong as a rock, shattering through all your doubts and anxieties. Your rock.

The only moment at dinner that felt awkward was the goodbye. After Sebastian had insisted on paying the full check, the four of you rose from your seats at once, Seb saying, “We better get home then.” He addressed you specifically when he noted, “It’s pretty late and you’ve got work tomorrow.”

“Oh, Anthony didn’t mention that you two had moved in together,” Sheletta cooed.

You cleared your throat uncomfortably. “Well, uh, we haven’t exactly.” You gave her a smile to assure her that you weren’t annoyed about the assumption.

“My mistake. Just the way Sebastian said ‘we should get home’ made it seem that way.”

The party split not long after that, you giving both of them friendly hugs before climbing back into Seb’s hired car service. The ride back to Sebastian’s apartment was the complete opposite of how the one to the restaurant had been. Dead silence permeated every inch of the car. You felt unsure of yourself, but you couldn’t pinpoint why. The mysterious thing bothering you seemed to be getting to your boyfriend as well. He kept turning his head away from you, glancing out the tinted window, and tapping his fingers furiously against his thigh.

Grey Wind greeted both of you at the door, as happy as ever, and you walked to the kitchen to down a glass of water nervously. The fog of tension in the car had made your mouth go unbearably dry. When you stepped away from the refrigerator, you were surprised to see that Sebastian had followed you into the room.

“Move in with me,” rushed from his lips, eyes looking wide with earnest, as you were taking a large gulp of water. You snorted half of it through your nose, and then immediately double over in a coughing fit.

He approached you and patted your back gently until you eventually regained your breath.

“Sorry,” you told him, “that just caught me a little off guard.”

He looked slightly amused, but you could see the worry etched in the contours of his face once again. You hadn’t said yes yet, and to him, it seemed as even of a possibility that you could say no.

“It felt like the natural next step to me. We rarely spend a night apart anymore, and when we do, it’s only because I’m traveling.”

You reached up and held his cutting jawline in your palms. “Sebastian, are you sure you’re not only asking this because it’s been exactly one year since we first met?”

“Baby, I’m sure. So the one-year thing pulls at the romantic side of me a bit, yeah… but I’ve been thinking about this for a while. I don’t want my home anymore; I want our home. When Sheletta pointed out what I had said at the end of dinner, it made me realize how much I don’t want to question which one of us is staying at the other’s place anymore. I want to know that we’ll always come home to each other when one of us is away.”

“Bold of you to assume we’d move into your apartment instead of mine.”

He scratched the back of his head and licked his lips nervously. “Umm, I suppose we could discuss me moving into yours if that’s really what you want.”

You leaned in to trace the place where his tongue had just been with your own, easing his nerves away. “Sebastian, obviously I don’t want the both of us living in my shitty apartment. That was a joke.”

He let out a little chuckle against your lips. “Okay.”

“Okay, so I’ll move in with you. That is, if Grey Wind is welcome too.”

He laughed harder this time, eyes shut tight in joy. “Jokes on you. I only asked you to move in because I knew you’d be bringing him with you. I can’t live without my favorite cuddle pup.”

You went to slap his chest playfully, but he caught your hand and pulled it up to his mouth, taking the time to kiss the pads of each one of your fingers with his sinfully soft lips. “So, we’re actually doing this, then?”

“We are,” you confirmed.

And when you thought about all the different types of days in your life — the cranky ones that led you to shouting at strangers on subways, the lonely ones that left you without a kiss on New Year’s, the sad one’s that had you calling your boyfriend with sobs evident in your voice, or the lighter than air days spent over the Hudson Valley in a hot air balloon followed by achingly sweet days building pillow forts or suffocatingly steamy days spent making love anywhere and everywhere — not a single one of them could compare to this day, the one that felt like a genuine commitment written in stone. You and Sebastian would share your lives together, you knew that for certain now.


End file.
